Emotionally immature parents share the common traits of being dismissive, selfish, self-involved, emotionally immature, and unavailable. They put their needs first and rely on their child to fill the gap and the void in their life.
They are rigid and always right. Like children, immature parents are rigid, single-minded, and have simplistic views of the world. It is impossible for them to change their minds once they have formed an opinion. Criticism or different opinions can make them very defensive and emotional.
Create space for yourself: disengage, set limits, or leave. Before spending any time with your parent(s), try to plan how you're going to create some healthy space for yourself during the interaction. This way, you don't disconnect from your needs/goals, nor do you feel stuck in their one-person show.
Some may think that an emotionally immature parent is necessarily a narcissist, but this is not true at all. There are, in fact, more than one type of emotionally immature parents. As you read the list of examples below, think about whether your parents fit any of them.
Symptoms Of Being Raised By Emotionally Unavailable Parents
Being raised by an emotionally unavailable parent or guardian can lead to a life of unstable friendships, strings of failed relationships, emotional neediness, an inability to self-regulate, provide for yourself, and identity confusion.
There is a strong connection between narcissistic or emotionally unstable parenting and complex trauma (C-PTSD). In other words, adults with complex trauma often have parents with narcissistic qualities or significant emotional limitations.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Examples of emotional neglect may include: lack of emotional support during difficult times or illness. withholding or not showing affection, even when requested. exposure to domestic violence and other types of abuse.
Emotional neglect is traumatic for a child. Over time, it becomes overwhelming for their developing system, sometimes resulting in symptoms of complex trauma or complex PTSD. Examples of emotional neglect in childhood include: Demeaning a child for their feelings.
A child's perception of neglect is important. When a child perceives they're being neglected emotionally, they are twice as likely to develop psychiatric disorders by age 15, including the development of depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, panic disorder, phobias, and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Emotional Neglect is Complex Trauma
Childhood trauma takes several forms, such as physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse and emotional neglect. Emotional neglect is complex trauma that can result in complex post traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). Everyone has heard of PTSD, but C-PTSD is different.
Common signs of a toxic mother include ignoring boundaries, controlling behavior, and abuse in severe cases. Toxic mothers cannot recognize the impacts of their behavior, and children grow up feeling unloved, overlooked, or disrespected.
For those who may not be familiar, “unloved daughter syndrome” is a term used to describe the lack of emotional connection or love between a mother and her daughter. This disconnect can lead to insecurity, anxiety, loneliness, and mistrust of others.
Lazy parenting includes being uninterested in spending time and energy with kids, giving kids devices to shut them up, not being willing to listen to kids because they are too lazy to deal with uncomfortable feelings and tantrums, etc.
Can Children Get PTSD from Their Parents? Although not common, it is possible for children to show signs of PTSD because they are upset by their parent's symptoms. Trauma symptoms can also be passed from parent to child or between generations.
You may have been parentified as a child if you: Assumed household duties such as cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, or paying the bills. Took care of the needs of younger siblings or relatives because your parents were unable to do so.
Emotional pain from not receiving love as a child can manifest in many ways, whether you're aware of it or not. You may feel empty or numb, or you live with depression and anxiety. Unresolved trauma can find a way to show in your life.
Feeling conflicted and generally insecure
“When parents do not model stable, healthy, secure, and loving behavior, a child will often grow up feeling chronically destabilized and insecure,” says Manly. As adults, they may seem to be secure or confident.
On the other hand, children who do not have affectionate parents tend to have lower self esteem and to feel more alienated, hostile, aggressive, and anti-social. There have been a number of recent studies that highlight the relationship between parental affection and children's happiness and success.
They partake in parenting styles that inflict on-going and repetitive trauma, abuse, humiliation, and ill-will. They don't treat their children with respect as individuals, compromise, take responsibility for their behavior, nor are they likely to apologize.
Toxic moms may suffer from mental or psychological disorders that affect their ability to meet their children's needs. They may also have been victims of toxic parenting themselves, and are repeating the relationship patterns they grew up with.
Maltreatment can cause victims to feel isolation, fear, and distrust, which can translate into lifelong psychological consequences that can manifest as educational difficulties, low self-esteem, depression, and trouble forming and maintaining relationships.
Childhood emotional neglect happens when your parents sufficiently neglect your emotions and emotional needs. Meaning, they do not notice what you are feeling, ask about your feelings, connect with you on an emotional level, or validate your feelings enough.