One sign that you have defeated a narcissist is that you no longer need their approval. You have developed a healthy sense of self-worth and no longer base your worth on their opinion of you. Narcissists try to control others by belittling them and making them feel inferior.
You don't hate them
After longing for them back, you're likely to go through a period of intense hatred. Neo said you know you're truly over the narcissistic abuser when you don't hate them anymore. "One day when you realise you don't hate them anymore, that's when you're completely free," she said.
Any kind of public embarrassment will cause them further anger, further rage, further attacks, further unethical comportment, and unprecedented incivility. If the narcissist is going to be brought down, they will also seek to bring everyone else around them down to vindictively make them suffer.
A narcissist can become easily enraged if a setback occurs in their life, job, or relationship. Not getting their way results in both a loss of control and a bruised ego. In these situations, they may lash out with rage to either deflect from the conflict or regain a sense of authority.
Particular people who display "grandiose narcissism," or feelings of superiority or dominance, struggle to accept or comprehend defeat, says personality psychologist Evita March.
Narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism or any perceived threat to their self-image, and they will go to great lengths to protect it. If you criticize them or challenge their dominance, you will trigger a defensive response.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
A person experiencing a narcissistic collapse may engage in impulsive, risky behaviors such as excessive drinking or substance abuse, unprotected sex, rage outbursts, or self-harm.
To Punish You
If you have done something to upset a narcissist, they may also use the silent treatment as a punishment to prevent you from challenging or upsetting them again in the future. While the short-term goal can be to regain control, this is also a tactic to ensure long-term influence.
But by reacting out of anger, you're also giving the narcissist ammunition to use against you. Non-narcissistic people respond positively to justified anger-induced outbursts. They immediately apologize and attempt to correct the situation. Narcissists, however, only respond with more gaslighting and narcissistic rage.
Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when it's they who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.”
Saying 'No', enforcing boundaries and challenging them are some of the tips on how to checkmate a narcissist by making them fear you. Holding them accountable, publicly exposing them and going 'no contact' are other strategies on how to outsmart a narcissist.
Act indifferent toward them.
You can make them super upset by treating them like everyone else. Don't praise them excessively, don't react to their comments, and stick to neutral statements when you're talking to them. If they tell you about one of their accomplishments, say something like, “Oh, cool,” or, “Nice.”
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
Tease, ridicule, and shame them mercilessly for not trying to figure out right from wrong, instead, pretending to have it all figured out. Stay calm, even friendly, to the person cowering inside their absolute narcissistic fake infallibility cloak. Stay light, even humorous.
Due to their low social competence, vulnerable narcissists often do not receive the attention and admiration they are searching for to satisfy their high sense of entitlement. This negative experience contributes to their enhanced levels of (social) anxiety [77].
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Possible causes of a narcissistic injury include: Being ignored: A narcissist can easily experience a narcissistic injury when they feel ignored, undervalued, or “not seen” by others. If a narcissist is not provided with adequate attention, they may feel slighted or personally insulted.