Try to stop obsessing about them, talking about them and seeing them whenever possible. If they pop into your head, which they inevitably will, acknowledge the thought and gently tell yourself you've decided not to indulge this right now, and distract yourself with other things until the thoughts pass.
How to let go of someone you love who isn't good for you ( TOXIC LOVE )
29 related questions found
Do toxic people know they are toxic?
People with toxic traits know they have them
It's natural to assume someone's bad behavior is a conscious choice. But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others. You may have toxic traits that you don't know about.
The role models we grow up with are often the first source
We tend to repeat toxic relationships with partners, friends, coworkers, and the like because of the role models we received as a child. The more aware we become of those patterns, the less likely we will continue seeking and repeating them unconsciously.
Toxic people can change, but it's highly unlikely. What is certain is that nothing anyone else does can change them. It is likely there will be broken people, broken hearts and broken relationships around them – but the carnage will always be explained away as someone else's fault.
Yes, toxic relationships can change. But that comes with a very big if. A toxic relationship can change if and only if both partners are equally committed to overcoming it with lots of open communication, honesty, self-reflection, and possibly professional help, individually and together.
In true love, there is comfort in separate interests. We can have our own friends and meaningful relationships outside of our romantic relationships. We can pursue interests and ideas without fear of reprimand. On the other hand, in toxic love, there is total involvement in one another's lives.
Why Leaving a Toxic Relationship Is So Hard. Leaving a toxic relationship can be very hard because of all the emotional labor and time spent trying to make the relationship work. It can feel like an internal failure, or that by leaving you are giving up on something you've invested in.
Toxic relationships generally follow three stages: idealizing, devaluing, and discarding. Learn about each of these stages and the impact it has on you.
Toxic relationships also tend to be long-term relationships. What's up with that? Some of my longest-lasting relationships were also my most toxic relationships. And when I talk to other people who have also been in toxic relationships, that seems to hold true for many, if not most, of them as well.
So, what's the underlying cause of these kinds of relationships? According to Behary, toxic relationships often stir up our deepest fears: "perhaps early trauma, early memories of abandonment or abuse, being made to feel that you're inadequate or unlovable, or being deprived of emotional attention," she says.
A lot of people in abusive relationships stay in them because they love their partner and think that things will change. They might also believe their partner's behavior is due to tough times or feel as though they can change their partner if they are a better partner themselves.
Merging of identities. Those who suffer from toxic attachment usually have a history of unhappiness, disrupt or disturbance in their childhood. For this reason, they often form unhealthy bonding complexes, which can cause them to be clingy or seek to merge their identity to their partner's.
What is the most toxic behavior in a relationship?
Gaslighting
Veasley says gaslighting is one of the most common forms of emotional manipulation and a toxic behavior you shouldn't tolerate. It's a good idea to identify ways to deal with gaslighting.
