They feel like they need to be in control.
If they're feeling insecure in their relationship, they may cheat on their partner and manipulate another person into loving them because it makes them feel powerful. A narcissist's need for control may be due to underlying feelings of inferiority.
The Psychodynamic Process Enables Cheating
In the quest for narcissistic supply, the somatic narcissist resorts to serial sexual conquests. Narcissists are easily bored (they have a low boredom threshold) and they have a low tolerance for boredom. Sexual dalliances alleviate this nagging and frustrating ennui.
Projection is a hallmark sign of the narcissist. If they are cheating (which is more common among narcissists than others), they will accuse you of cheating. These accusations ramp up when you go out of town or engage in an activity without them. Also, time away means less attention for them.
An inability to bear the truth
Attorney Rebecca Zung writes about what happens when you catch a narcissist in a lie. They will either deny, deflect, devalue, and/or dismiss you.
Narcissists can look people straight in the eye while shamelessly lying to them. In doing so, they do not make a face, even when confronted with probing questions and evidence of previous deceptions. It is normal for them to deny lies, make excuses, and project their behavior onto others.
The more you stay calm and reasonable, the more your narcissist spouse will be frustrated that they can't get you to look bad. Your demeanor, and exposing the inconsistency between their words and their actions, will make your spouse reveal their true personality.
A narcissist's cheating tendency seems to come from their desire for admiration and attention. They may also feel entitled to cheat and believe they are above the rules of fidelity. As one relationship expert notes, “The narcissist will never admit to cheating because it would mean admitting that they are not perfect.”
Narcissistic partners act as if they are always right, that they know better and that their partner is wrong or incompetent. This often leaves the other person in the relationship either angry and trying to defend themselves or identifying with this negative self-image and feeling badly about themselves.
Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism. This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous. And not just about anyone potentially interested in you romantically, but anyone or anything that can take the focus off of them.
Gaslighting and narcissism often go hand in hand, and saying “I love you” is a great way of downplaying some of the horrendous behaviour you've been subjected to. Adding a “but” makes this an even more effective gaslighting tool.
A narcissistic liar is a person who lies to get what they want. They are often charming and persuasive. But their primary goal is always self-promotion. They want to present themselves in a certain light and believe they can get away with it.
They ignore you because they want to control you. One of the main reasons why a narcissist ignores you is that they want to control you. More likely, they want to regain control of you. A narcissist uses ignoring people as a way to punish them.
Remain calm and unaffected.
Cut a conversation with a narcissistic co-worker short and excuse yourself to work on something else. Give your narcissistic partner absolutely no reaction when they try to push your buttons. Stay on topic if you're having a conversation with a manipulative, narcissistic parent.
Not that everyone needs to know every thought or fact about our lives. However, the narcissist will mislead, omit or outright lie about huge aspects of their lives and tell themselves they are protecting people, not hurting them.
The narcissist texting style is such that it's all about them. In this case, examples of narcissist text messages could be “call me now,” “I'm amazing because I bought the groceries,” and “why aren't you calling me – did I do something wrong?
Accusations: When you're in a relationship with a narcissistic abuser, you may be accused of lying, stealing, cheating, or other negative behaviors. Being wrongfully accused can put you on the defensive, which can help deflect from the behaviors and actions of someone with NPD.
You may receive verbal, emotional, mental, and financial attacks from the narcissist. The narcissist may start to attack your character, past and present actions to justify their cheating. They will use any and everything to defend their point and attack you.
Not all people with narcissistic personality traits are unfaithful in their relationships, but narcissism may naturally make cheating more likely.