Validate their feelings, not their behaviours
You could validate their emotions. You can say things like 'I can understand you feel ___' (even if it were you, you wouldn't feel the same), or 'I can hear you say you feel ____. ' That way, you do not have to compromise your integrity.
Their fear of abandonment and low self esteem may manifest into them convincing themselves that you no longer want to be with them – whether there is any actual evidence for this or not. To try and tackle the “divide” in the relationship, the borderline sufferer might begin to withdraw or pick fights.
Once someone with BPD becomes angry, letting go of their rage can be challenging. After exposure to BPD rage triggers, they tend to fixate on the situation or event that upset them, replaying these thoughts repeatedly. Ruminating on negative emotions can increase aggression.
Many people with BPD struggle with intense anger and a short temper. This makes it difficult for them to feel in control of their emotions once they have been provoked. They can quickly fill with rage, though this anger may not always be outwardly directed and can result in self-harm.
Two other BPD anger triggers include a fear of rejection and quickly changing views. Since an individual with borderline personality disorder views things and people as either extremely good or extremely bad, their opinion of someone can quickly change from a friend to an enemy.
For many folks with BPD, a “meltdown” will manifest as rage. For some, it might look like swinging from one intense emotion to another. For others, it might mean an instant drop into suicidal ideation. Whatever your experience is, you're not alone.
The destructive and hurtful behaviors are a reaction to deep emotional pain. In other words, they're not about you. When your loved one does or says something hurtful towards you, understand that the behavior is motivated by the desire to stop the pain they are experiencing; it's rarely deliberate.
What others perceive as a simple mistake to be brushed off, people with BPD might perceive as a serious wrongdoing. You might hold onto a grudge for days, or until the person has apologized sufficiently.
So, what exactly does the BPD break up cycle look like? It can look like fear of abandonment, distrust of a partner, cheating, lack of communication and self-blame. It can look like idolizing a partner, confusing strong emotions for passion, anxiety and overreacting to interactions perceived as negative.
Bold – Impulsivity is a BPD trait that can be positively linked to being bold, courageous and having the ability to speak one's mind. Creative – The high intensity of emotions can be released into creative endeavours. Many people with BPD put their entire emotional expression into music, art, performance and writing.
Those with borderline personality disorder tend to exhibit control over their environment by creating and exacerbating disruptive circumstances; thereby influencing others to behave in a certain manner to decrease the affected individual's reactions.
People with borderline personality disorder have a deep fear of abandonment. They compete for social acceptance, are terrified of rejection and often feel lonely even in the context of an intimate relationship. Therefore, it is more difficult for them to manage the normal ups and downs of a romantic partnership.
With borderline personality disorder, you have an intense fear of abandonment or instability, and you may have difficulty tolerating being alone. Yet inappropriate anger, impulsiveness and frequent mood swings may push others away, even though you want to have loving and lasting relationships.
A distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self. Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating.
Stressful or traumatic life events
Often having felt afraid, upset, unsupported or invalidated. Family difficulties or instability, such as living with a parent or carer who experienced an addiction. Sexual, physical or emotional abuse or neglect. Losing a parent.
A person with BPD may experience intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from only a few hours to days.”