Toxic parents create a negative and toxic home environment. They use fear, guilt, and humiliation as tools to get what they want and ensure compliance from their children. They are often neglectful, emotionally unavailable, and abusive in some cases. They put their own needs before the needs of their children.
The most common toxic behavior of parents is to criticize their child, express self-wishes, complain about the difficulties of raising a child, make unhealthy comparisons, and make hurtful statements1.
Very simply, toxic behaviour arises out of a lack of control while abusive behaviour is all about one person taking control of the other.
It's okay to let go of a toxic parent.
This is such a difficult decision, but it could be one of the most important. We humans are wired to connect, even with people who don't deserve to be connected to us.
Growing up with toxic parents can affect your physical and mental health, putting you at risk for substance use, low self-esteem, and relationship difficulties. Setting healthy boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and getting support from family, friends, or a therapist are ways to cope with a toxic childhood.
If I had to sum it up what really happens when you cut off a toxic parent, I would say that you will experience grief, guilt, and relief. Sometimes it's all at once and sometimes it's just one feeling at a time. For myself, another overwhelming and powerful thing happened.
A toxic parent, says Dr. Childs, is a parent that puts their needs before their child. “They're more self-centered than other-centered,” she adds. Coupling these with other traits can give you a good idea of whether or not your parent or parents are toxic.
There are different types of parents and parenting styles, and most want the best for their kids. But some go over the boundaries and become toxic parents. Worse, they don't even know they're being toxic, maybe because their parents brought them up the same way.
Emotional abuse includes: humiliating or constantly criticising a child. threatening, shouting at a child or calling them names. making the child the subject of jokes, or using sarcasm to hurt a child.
The silent treatment is a refusal to verbally communicate with another person, a way of withholding connection. It can be a spouse who stops talking after a fight or a displeased parent who refuses to speak or make eye contact with a child.
Toxic parents are critical and want to be in control. They easily manipulate your choices and can hold you back from who you truly want to be. Succeeding in letting go of your toxic parents can be difficult. After all, they're still your parents.
Adult children report that unsupportive parents negatively assess their adult child's goals and dreams. They are not supportive of their adult children's happiness, lack encouragement, and – negatively comment about their actions. Toxic parents are often, if not always, critical.
Impacts on Adult Daughters
If you're the daughter of a toxic mother, it's likely that you grew up feeling unsupported, unloved, and unworthy. This deep sense of inadequacy can lead to a number of problems in adulthood, including codependency, low self-esteem, and difficulty setting boundaries.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Personal Attacks Common examples include criticizing, name calling, mocking responses, defaming character, berating feelings, and judging opinions. No Apology – Parents refuse to take responsibility, become hostile, invalidate or dismiss feelings of the child, lie, and conveniently forget promises or commitments.