In many cases, people think their spouse is cheating on them because either they've cheated on someone in the past or are about to. Psychologists say that projection is a low-level coping skill, where people who cheat or think of cheating are likely to project the same thoughts on their partners.
You Struggle With Trust Issues
If you have trust issues, it only makes sense you'd assume your partner is lying, cheating, and going behind your back. You inherently don't trust others, Golicic says, possibly based on past experiences, like being cheated on by an ex, or even betrayed by parents and friends.
The suspicion that occurs from a sudden shift in your partner's behavior is not the same as paranoia. If your partner feels distant or there has been a significant change in their actions, this shift can be concerning. People who are cheating will sometimes become defensive or pull away from their partners.
Doubt often comes, for example, when a new level of a relationship presents itself, such as talk of moving in or of marriage. So some doubts are really just a stress response. They can be our brain's way of working through and preparing for the new challenges ahead.
Unhealthy jealous behavior happens when we indulge that feeling and act impulsively from a place of suspicion and insecurity. When insecurity in our relationships run rampant, jealousy can rapidly grow into paranoia and obsession and threaten to destroy the very relationship we're most afraid to lose.
Jealousy may be driven by low self-esteem or a poor self-image. If you don't feel attractive and confident, it can be hard to truly believe that your partner loves and values you. Other times, jealousy can be caused by unrealistic expectations about the relationship.
Signs of Insecurity in Relationships
Feeling jealous of all the other people in their life and resenting the other people they are close to. Not taking your partner at their word and wanting to verify everything they tell you. Feeling like your partner may break up with you at any time.
We all get jealous sometimes—but worrying obsessively over your significant other's sexual and romantic history is known as retroactive jealousy, an unhealthy relationship habit. Retroactive jealousy can be triggered if you have an anxious attachment style, bad experiences with past partners, or even childhood trauma.
Controlling Tendencies. If your partner is trying to control your thoughts and actions, likes and dislikes, and your circle of friends, among other things, it could be unforgivable, as it shows a lack of respect and a scary, over-bearing nature.
The bottom line: If you feel confident that the number of past hookups they've had won't make waves in your relationship, feel free to ask; sharing the info can be a way to grow closer. But if you imagine a too high or too low number and both kind of wig you out, it's better to not go there.
Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.
Overthinking in a relationship is often due to a poor understanding of your own needs. When you begin to overthink something that is happening in your relationship, ask yourself, “what need do I currently have that is going unmet?” This can help you communicate with your partner.
Like so many drivers who get into accidents on the roads, though, they ignored or were unaware of warning signs along the way. If they would have heeded those indications, disaster could have been avoided. In that sense, yes, an affair can be called “accidental.”
Cheaters are impulsive, and can't resist taking that risk despite what it might cost them. Cheaters, like bullies, are fueled by power, and drawn to risk. This kind of behavior, however, is a reflection of something deeply rooted inside of them.
Usually, emotional infidelity starts with a harmless crush. But once we start to flirt and spend more time with someone we have our eye on, a relationship can develop that has romantic potential. Eventually, this opens the door to physical infidelity.
You may become paranoid.
“Without realizing it, being cheated on clouds and taints perceptions about relationships by keeping you in a perpetual and constant mindset of mistrust and betrayal,” she said.