Jul 10, 2020. One tool common to those who sexually abuse kids is grooming: manipulative behaviors that the abuser uses to gain access to a potential victim, coerce them to agree to the abuse, and reduce the risk of being caught.
"Usually, the groomer will eventually take physical or sexual advantage of the victim," says Harrison. "This could include anything from making inappropriate comments about their body, to making sexual advance, to actually sexually assaulting the person."
Malignant narcissists begin their relationships with excessive amounts of contact, praise, flattery, and attention – this is known as love bombing. They use love bombing to groom their victims in order to get them invested in a fabricated future together – one that they never plan to deliver on.
“Grooming is the slow, methodical, and intentional process of manipulating a person to a point where they can be victimized,” Eric Marlowe Garrison, a sex counselor and author, tells Allure. “After [the perpetrators] find their targets, they then gain trust and move in from there.”
Overt attention, verbal seduction (flattery / ego stroking), recruitment, physical isolation, charm, gift-giving, normalizing, gaslighting, secrecy, and threats are all hallmarks of grooming. Abusers who groom their victims often claim to have a special connection with the abused.
Grooming, which could include “sexting”, is behaviour that might be viewed as just flirting between colleagues, but may actually mask predatory sexual activity that constitutes a serious risk to employers and young employees.
Targeting the victim – The first stage of grooming
Groomers are calculated and often repeat offenders – they don't want to get caught. Thus, before selecting their victims, abusers often scope out and observe possible 'candidates' and select them based on ease of access to them or their perceived vulnerability.
It can be difficult to tell if someone is being groomed – the signs aren't always obvious and may be hidden. Some signs to look out for: Are they being secretive about how they're spending their time?
Some instances of grooming abuse have been: Brushing hair so hard that hair gets ripped out or head gets scratched to the point of blood. Brushing teeth too hard and harming gums.
Wash your face every day, twice. Remove blackheads or whiteheads. Use a moisturizer for skin daily. Apply sunscreen before stepping out into the sun.
The predator identifies a victim who seems vulnerable, often looking for a child with low self-esteem, an obedient/compliant personality, or mental disability. If possible, he or she also assesses the child's home life for signs that the parents are uninvolved or pre-occupied.
Perpetrators utilize tactics such as gift giving, flattery, gifting money, and meeting other basic needs. Tactics may also include increased attention and affection towards the targeted child.
A well-groomed person is very neat and tidy, and looks as if they have taken care over their appearance.
Grooming is when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them.
A child who has been groomed online may feel responsible for or deserving of the abuse, making it more difficult for the child to disclose the abuse. Following a grooming experience, the child may suffer numerous negative effects such as embarrassment, irritability, anxiety, stress, depression, and substance abuse.
In essence, predatory male behavior is based on extracting sexual, emotional, and financial resources from women without care or concern for the woman's safety and well-being. Predatory male behavior extracts sexual, emotional, and financial resources from women.
Narcissists are attracted to certain types of people. Rather than weak, vulnerable people, they tend to go for the strong-willed and talented. They are also attracted to people who reflect well on themselves.
During the grooming phase of the relationship, the Narcissist will feign an intense interest in target and ask a seemingly endless series of questions. The questions start off as casual and gradually shift to deeply personal inquiries about their hopes, goals, fears, and dreams.
Grooming Is A Form Of Gaslighting
You're suffering the consequences of someone else abusing you and that feels terrible, which is why it's so hard to admit the abuse is going on in the first place for most of us because the consequences are very dire. It's like facing the thing you don't want to ever face.