“When you are being manipulated by someone you are being psychologically coerced into doing something you probably don't really want to do,” she says. You might feel scared to do it, obligated to do it, or guilty about not doing it.
Think of it like mind control — using emotional and psychological tactics to change or alter someone's perception or behavior in an underhanded, deceptive, or even abusive way. Typically, people do not know they are being manipulated because it is done in a way that conceals the manipulator's intention.
“I didn't say/do that” or “It wasn't my idea, it was yours” When things don't go too well, manipulators put all the blame on you: They didn't even mention that subject. You did not understand them.
Postpone your answer. Don't give them an answer on the spot. ...
Question their motivations. Manipulators often hide their real motivations because they don't like to take responsibility for their own actions and behaviors. ...
Manipulation is when a person uses controlling and harmful behaviors to avoid responsibility, conceal their true intentions, or cause doubt and confusion. Manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting, lying, blaming, criticizing, and shaming, can be incredibly damaging to a person's psychological well-being.
Common examples include passive aggression, silent treatment, guilt-tripping, blame-shifting, gaslighting, denial, and lying. Other tactics include codependency through trauma bonding, playing on people's insecurities, withholding sex, instilling fear, or threatening to harm themselves.
"Unintentional manipulation can show up in exaggerating the facts," Silvershein says. "If someone had an early-morning flight that takes off at 8 a.m., they may say their flight is at 6 a.m. since they technically have to leave for the airport at 6 a.m. They know that this story is better and will gain more empathy."
What can manipulation look like in a relationship?
A common sign of manipulation in relationships is when you start losing a sense of who you are after following someone else's overt or covert demands to give up your opinions and interests. In some romantic couples, one partner may adopt the other person's lifestyle and interests to avoid conflict, for example.
They are afraid of vulnerability. Manipulators seldom express their needs, desires, or true feelings. They seek out the vulnerabilities in others in order to take advantage of them for their own benefits and deflect their true motives. They have no ability to love, empathy, guilt, remorse, or conscience.
Manipulation is generally considered a dishonest form of social influence as it is used at the expense of others. Manipulative tendencies may derive from personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or antisocial personality disorder.
Is it best to ignore a manipulator? Yes, you should ignore your manipulator and not react to everything they are saying. They have studied your triggers and expect you to respond to their bait. If you continue ignoring them, they will eventually come around or go away from your life.
People manipulate others to get what they want. This type of behavior may have a number of causes including interpersonal dynamics, personality characteristics, a dysfunctional upbringing, attachment issues, or certain mental health conditions.
How do you deal with an emotionally manipulative person?
A good first step is to acknowledge that you're aware of the manipulation. It's normal to feel upset or pressured, but remember: That's how they want you to feel. Try grounding yourself or using breathing exercises to cool down and relax. Use respectful language and “I” statements to avoid sounding confrontational.
