Denial – this will typically be their first reaction and they will refuse to admit to doing anything wrong. They will probably spin some lie to convince you of their innocence. Even if you have evidence that shows they are guilty, they will discredit this and insist the source is unreliable.
In fact, they may take offense to it, turn the blame on you, claim you drove them to cheat, gaslight you, or flat-out deny it. Narcissists dread losing control and having their conduct come into question, which is why defensiveness is common.
Many narcissists will respond negatively and sometimes violently to being confronted about cheating. It is important to always consider your safety when interacting with a narcissist on any level.
Time you spend away from the narcissist is time that they can start to become unglued. Projection is a hallmark sign of the narcissist. If they are cheating (which is more common among narcissists than others), they will accuse you of cheating.
They will either deny, deflect, devalue, and/or dismiss you. Deny. “It wasn't me.” “I didn't do that.”
A narcissistic liar is a person who lies to get what they want. They are often charming and persuasive. But their primary goal is always self-promotion. They want to present themselves in a certain light and believe they can get away with it.
Accusations: When you're in a relationship with a narcissistic abuser, you may be accused of lying, stealing, cheating, or other negative behaviors. Being wrongfully accused can put you on the defensive, which can help deflect from the behaviors and actions of someone with NPD.
Reveal and Expose
This can be done by presenting them with evidence of their infidelity. For example, if you have proof of their cheating, such as text messages or photos, you can show them to the narcissist. This may force them to confront the truth and admit their wrongdoing.
Gaslighting (the process where a narcissist tries to trick you into thinking your perception is untrustworthy) is one of the textbook narcissist maneuvers. Don't second-guess yourself! If you're being accused of something you didn't do, don't let them trick you into feeling like you have anything to apologize for.
If you confront a narcissist about something hurtful, they may downplay what occurred or minimize the events that took place. This could sound like: “Relax, this isn't a big deal.” “I did that before and you didn't care.”
Narcissistic partners act as if they are always right, that they know better and that their partner is wrong or incompetent. This often leaves the other person in the relationship either angry and trying to defend themselves or identifying with this negative self-image and feeling badly about themselves.
Narcissistic rage occurs when a narcissist's beliefs about their perceived importance or grandiosity are confronted. In turn, they respond with extreme anger toward the perceived threat. Whether narcissistic rage results from criticism, losing control, or minor setbacks, being on the receiving end can be terrifying.
You might feel the need to engage in defensive behavior, but if you know what they are saying is not true, then calmly and factually tell them their statement is false and move on. If necessary, you can keep a record of any false accusations or instances of manipulation.
People with strong narcissistic tendencies and other dark personality traits tend to blame others for their own bad behavior. If they are lying, then they will accuse others of lying.
Narcissist Lies Often Turn Into Gaslighting
For the NPD, the lies are often a prelude to gaslighting. Gaslighting is a psychological weapon used by some to keep a person emotionally off-balance.
Yes, a narcissist is aware of his or her behavior, but unaware of the psychological mechanisms that compel and justify the behavior.
While such false accusations are often done in your absence (e.g. to your boss at your place of work, or with friends). Narcissists are also bold enough to accuse you of a trait they know they are culpable of. They do this in order to make you feel you are wrong and they are blind.
It is easy to be tricked by the covert narcissist because unlike the classic narcissist that many of us have learned to recognize with their charm, flash, attention-seeking ostentatious presentation, the covert narcissist is stealth. These people tend to be more introverted and subtle, so they can be easy to miss.
They ignore you because they want to control you. One of the main reasons why a narcissist ignores you is that they want to control you. More likely, they want to regain control of you. A narcissist uses ignoring people as a way to punish them.
They Have Grandiose Fantasies
On the outside, a person with covert narcissism will seem quiet, meek, and self-critical. However, on the inside, they feel an intense sense of specialness. Despite their jealousy, envy, and apparent shyness, covert narcissists will believe they are better than everyone else.