Indifference: The narcissist might act as if nothing happened, pretending not to care or showing little interest in the other person's feelings or well-being. Hoovering: The narcissist may try to pull the discarded person back into their life if they believe they can benefit from the relationship again.
However, the narcissist will hoover and try to pull you back in after the discard if they feel like they can control and manipulate you in the future to boost their ego. The narcissist has watched you very closely in the relationship, including how you responded at the very end.
When a narcissist discards you, it can take a toll on your mental health. You may feel upset, used, sad, or rejected. Because narcissists are manipulative and take advantage of others for personal gain, being discarded can also result in financial or professional losses.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
It's true: Your narcissistic ex will remember you but not — never — in the way you hope they will, as the “great love of their life”. Most of the time they won't even think about you and you know why: They're too busy spinning their web to snare the next unsuspecting spider.
They Want to Keep Tabs On You. Narcissists feel entitled to maintaining power and control over the people that they abuse for as long as they see fit. Because of this, it is very common for narcissists to find a way back into your life after they discarded you so that they can keep tabs on you.
Impacts of Narcissistic Discard
Even though most relationships with people who have NPD are toxic and unhealthy, being discarded is an awful experience. Feelings of anger, shock, and grief are common after this occurs, and can make it very difficult for people to find closure.
As we've already mentioned in the previous section, narcissists have many painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions suppressed within themselves. When a narcissist gets discarded, all of their painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions get activated, and as a result, they feel rejected, humiliated, and abandoned.
Though typical narcissists do not discard people because they crave attention, covert narcissists may go to extreme measures to permanently discard you.
They will move on to another source of Narcissistic Supply if they realize you are really done with them and can no longer be manipulated into doing what they want. If they see no gain from continuing to pursue you, they will finally leave you alone.
It is almost impossible to provide a narcissist with the level of supply they require, so when they inevitably feel you are not giving them enough, they may discard you. Additionally, if they feel they are losing control over you (e.g., if you set boundaries), they may discard you in response.
But here is the rub: Over time, the narcissist usually senses that you are pulling away, and it is then that your problems take on a different form. Narcissists hate feeling that they might be rejected or that you might conclude that they are defective. So, they go into compensation mode by turning the tables.
An overt narcissist discards you…
At this point, they've replaced you as their primary source; however, they're not counting you out. All of your confusion, thinking about them, and discussing them with friends gives them narcissistic supply. If you chase after them, it gives them even more supply.
Simply put, narcissists hate being ignored. They probably want to make you feel ashamed, regretful, and rattled. They want to be in control and will go to any length to keep feeling empowered. It's critical to understand that a narcissist will not leave you alone the first time you ignore them.
Narcissist Discard and Silent Treatment
The narcissist will give you the silent treatment after discard as a way to punish you. Ignoring someone is the most effective way to hurt someone.
Unfortunately for a narcissist, she says, the next person will always end up being boring because time breeds familiarity, requiring the narcissist to look for something new. "They are always waiting for the next new thing," she adds. "You are not boring, narcissists are just bored with everything."
At the end of a relationship, a narcissist will often spiral down a long-winded gauntlet of manipulation tactics. They may blame you for causing the relationship to fail, work hard to keep you to stay with them, make lofty promises to change their behavior, or badmouth you to everyone around them.
Depending on how long you were in a relationship with a narcissist, the type of relationship you had with them, and the abuse you experienced, the recovery process can be extensive. Many survivors describe that it took them a year or even several years until they felt like themselves again.
The final discard is generally when the narcissist leaves you, often for the first time. He or she may end the relationship, or the individual will just up and leave out of nowhere with no explanation, leaving you to wonder what happened.
A narcissistic person often continually invalidates other's feelings. Eventually the person doubts most of what he or she feels and thinks. A narcissist distorts a person's empathy and introspectiveness, making him or her think they are character flaws instead of gifts.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
So when the relationship that a narcissist has with someone ends, it is common for them to move on very quickly because they need to find a new source of supply before they become consumed by their painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Narcissists hate losing their supply of attention, so they won't let you go easily. Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me."