Gaslighting makes you doubt your reality. It can make you believe that you are at fault for the breakup of your marriage. In an abusive marriage, gaslighting can make you more dependent on your spouse and separate you from family and friends. Gaslighting can destroy your self-esteem.
The Effects of Gaslighting
Gaslighting is bad for your mental health. It can make you doubt your sanity and make it difficult to tell truth from lies. It creates unhealthy, codependent relationships, and it may feel impossible to leave. Losing trust.
While the gaslighting partner demands respect from their victim via manipulation, the victim is a constant target of harsh criticism and ridicule. Consequently, the victim may eventually lose respect for themselves, as well as their self-worth and sense of autonomy, which is the ultimate aim of the gaslighting partner.
Often, this is just another manipulation tactic. It's intended to make you think that the relationship is improving or that you just went through a rough patch. Once a gaslighting spouse feels secure again, they return to their abusive behavior.
Luckily, Kelley emphasizes that recovery from gaslighting is absolutely possible. “Practicing self-compassion and patience is essential, as the healing process can take time,” she notes. The tactics used by a gaslighter are meant to deconstruct the victim's sense of self, and it can take time to rebuild and repair.
There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion. Last week we looked at the straight-up lie and reality manipulation. This week we are going to focus on scapegoating and coercion.
The long-term effects of gaslighting often result in the victim believing they have a mental health disorder. This is then likely to have a real impact on their mental health. Feelings of anxiety could get worse over time. Dependency on their abuser might lead to feelings of isolation from friends and family.
You can't know ahead of time whether your gaslighter will ever change. Maybe he will change when you refuse the dance of gaslighting. If he is willing to admit that he has a problem, you should see a good couples therapist and work on the gaslighting dynamic.
Gaslighting in Abuse Relationships
In many cases, the gaslighter will get defensive about their actions and claim they do it out of love. I only do it because I love you. By saying this, they're making their victim feel as if their love for the gaslighter is less than what they're receiving in return.
Some gaslighters are aware of their behavior, and they may even work to improve their gaslighting skills. They might enjoy the sense of superiority they feel from making others doubt their sanity and correctness. Others who gaslight might not be aware that they're doing it.
Gaslighters are blamers, using lines like, “You made me do it” or “I did it because you wouldn't listen to me.” They may accuse you of having issues or needs that they actually have, such as suggesting you're not being honest with yourself. They may find ways to take credit for your accomplishments.
Gaslighting is all about making the victim question their reality and sanity. Often, a gaslighter will deny saying or doing something and treat the victim as if they are crazy.
Those experiencing gaslighting may often feel confused about their version of reality, experience anxiety, or be unable to trust themselves. Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that undermines an individual's perception of reality, causing them to doubt their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
“Gaslighters have two signature moves,” she wrote. “They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.” They spread gossip, they take credit for other people's work, and they undercut others in furtherance of their own position.
You might be a victim of narcissist gaslighting. This is a type of manipulation that is often used by people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It can make you feel like you're going crazy and leave you feeling isolated and alone.
However, not all narcissists gaslight, and similarly, not all people who gaslight are narcissists. In other words, if someone gaslights you, it does not necessarily mean they are narcissistic. It can happen unintentionally or from a place of wanting to be right, rather than wanting to control another person.
Staying in a relationship with a gaslighting spouse means that either they have to change or you have to accept the way they are, which will ultimately take a toll on your well-being. Abusive behavior is not your fault, and it is not your responsibility to fix them either.
Gaslighting is a particularly insidious form of emotional abuse. It exploits the victim's trust, manipulates their emotions, and undermines their autonomy. The gaslighter aims to control the victim's thoughts, emotions, and actions, leaving them vulnerable and submissive.
Highly sensitive people and empaths are more susceptible to gaslighting because they do not trust themselves and their intuitions. They doubt their own perspective even when they sense that something is wrong.