Every relationship is built on mutual trust, whether that relationship it is romantic or not. Lying quickly erodes that trust, hurting both parties in the process. Whether it is keeping secrets or telling a little white lie, lying destroys one of the fundamental pillars of a healthy relationship — trust.
Impact of Lying in a Relationship
The more lies they tell, the less you trust them or have faith in their honesty. Diminished compassion and empathy: Lying makes it harder to detect someone's emotions, which in turn, can diminish the compassion and empathy you feel toward that person. 5.
Compulsive lying.
Whether it is a sign of a lack of conscience or a full-blown antisocial personality disorder, this is a sign of a toxic relationship. Simply put: If you can't trust your partner to tell the truth, your relationship is doomed.
Keeping secrets results in lack of intimacy, and in turn results in breakdown of communication. The worst situation in a relationship is when it becomes a habit of a partner to lie. The partner, who constantly fibs, becomes entangled in his own tale of lies, and the other does not know what to believe in.
In most cases, lying is not okay. When someone lies to you in a relationship, it can cause a lot of emotional and physical turmoil. Even little lies can add up and cause a relationship to crumble.
If your partner lies to you, you're under zero obligation to forgive them right away, on their timeline, or even at all. “It is fine to ask for time to process it and take it in,” Durvasula says. In fact, she recommends that you take some time to think about it.
The bottom line
It's possible to rebuild a relationship after a breach of trust. Whether it's worth it depends on your relationship needs and whether you feel it's possible to trust your partner again. If you do decide to try repairing things, be prepared for things to take some time.
They alter our reality, reframing it through the agenda of the person who doesn't want the truth to come out. Being lied to makes you feel insecure – your version of the truth is discredited. It also makes you feel unimportant – the person lying to you didn't value you enough to tell the truth.
Even repetitive lying to a partner can be a form of abuse, since a survivor may begin to doubt their own experiences and instincts, becoming brainwashed into believing anything their abuser says.
Constantly catching your partner being dishonest isn't a good sign. "We are all guilty of telling white lies; however, if you notice that your partner is consistently deceiving or getting caught in lies, it is a red flag," says Samara Quintero, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Choosing Therapy.
Every relationship is built on mutual trust, whether that relationship it is romantic or not. Lying quickly erodes that trust, hurting both parties in the process. Whether it is keeping secrets or telling a little white lie, lying destroys one of the fundamental pillars of a healthy relationship — trust.
Most people say they lie to avoid causing negative feelings, sidestep conflict, and to escape hurting or insulting a partner.
Bottom line: It depends on how big the lie is. A little white lie is forgivable, but a big, mean lie is not and you may need to reconsider the relationship or seek therapy. Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal. Emotional cheating can be just as painful as infidelity and both are symptoms of an underlying problem.
Calm down, think, and then deal with the situation. Listen to your partner's explanation and try to understand why they lied. Try to forgive them and leave the lie in the past. Do not remind your partner about past lies every time you are in an argument.
When we engage in deceit, our respiratory and heart rates increase, we start to sweat, our mouth goes dry, and our voice can shake. Some of these physiological effects form the basis of the classic lie-detector (polygraph) test. People vary in their ability to tell a lie due, in part, to differences in the brain.
Pathological lying is a symptom of various personality disorders, including antisocial, narcissistic, and histrionic personality disorders. Other conditions, such as borderline personality disorder, may also lead to frequent lies, but the lies themselves are not considered pathological.
Lying is not usually enough to create PTSD, but trauma is a real effect of lying. Let's look at the difference between PTSD and trauma, and why lying is more likely to cause trauma than PTSD. Lying in your relationship does not usually cause PTSD because PTSD is triggered by more severe events than trauma.
However, of the most common motives for telling lies, avoiding punishment is the primary motivator for both children and adults. Other typical reasons include protecting ourselves or others from harm, maintaining privacy, and avoiding embarrassment, to name a few.
Relationship Expert and Ideal Introductions Chief Matchmaker Linda Prescott said, “If they did it to others, they will do it to you.” More often than not, relationships built on lies do not last simply because of the way it started.
Rebuilding trust takes a significant amount of time and patience. It might take us several months or even years to fully be able to trust our loved one again. Along the way, we need to continue working on reestablishing trust slowly under the guidance of family counselors.
Seek Professional Help
Seeking counseling is a good first step in order to cope with a lying spouse. A counselor can help a married couple overcome the pain of the betrayal and work through your emotions without judgment.