Individuals living with quiet BPD may have decreased levels of empathy, high conflict relationships, clinginess and fear of abandonment, adds Dr. Lira de la Rosa. “The combination of these symptoms can lead to unstable interpersonal relationships, low self-esteem and periods of depression.”
Some potential causes of quiet BPD may be the result of: Family history of various personality disorders. History of other mental health conditions (anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, substance abuse, depression, etc.) History of neglect, abuse, trauma, or abandonment in childhood.
Quiet BPD looks different from 'typical' BPD. Having Quiet BPD means you 'act in', rather than act out. You may not have stereotypical BPD symptoms such as frequent anger outbursts – instead you suffer in silence. You may appear calm and high functioning, instead of 'exploding', you implode and collapse from within.
Signs and symptoms of quiet borderline personality disorder
Living with quiet borderline personality disorder can be exhausting and incredibly debilitating. It can stop a person from being able to enjoy their everyday life, as they struggle to cope with the intense thoughts and emotions that they experience.
As with 'classic BPD', you have a deep fear of abandonment, but instead of fighting for attachment in the form of clinginess, in quiet BPD you believe you deserve to be abandoned. The self-loathing can drive you to isolate yourself for days and weeks.
If you have quiet BPD, you may have low self-esteem and often feel angry, depressed, or anxious. In addition, you may have a history of self-harm, suicidal thoughts, or both. With quiet BPD, you may also feel guilt or shame.
Across the 20 years of the study, the rates of social isolation in the borderline participants ranged from 22 percent to 32 percent, with 26 percent remaining isolated at the end of the study period.
It's been suggested that there are “subtypes” of BPD, but this theory is unproven. One such subtype is known as “quiet” BPD, which means that you direct your struggles more inward so others don't notice. However, quiet BPD is not a recognized diagnosis.
Coping With Quiet BPD
Reach out to a professional if you are struggling and have not received professional help. Adopt a healthy diet and regular pattern of sleep. Be mindful of your emotions and check in with yourself every few hours and ask yourself how you have been feeling.
The types of attachment found to be most characteristic of BPD subjects are unresolved, preoccupied, and fearful. In each of these attachment types, individuals demonstrate a longing for intimacy and—at the same time—concern about dependency and rejection.
When you have Quiet BPD, you would not directly confront people or fight for your relationships. Instead, you withdraw and cut yourself off from them. You discard relationships easily, leaving the other person in confusion. When you look back, however, you may regret losing some friends.
People with BPD score low on cognitive empathy but high on emotional empathy. This suggests that they do not easily understand other peoples' perspectives, but their own emotions are very sensitive. This is important because it could align BPD with other neurodiverse conditions.
Participants with BPD had more frequent, intense, and sudden experiences of aversive tension than did control participants; moreover, rejection, being alone, and failure were identified as triggering events for nearly 40% of the BPD group's increases in aversive tension.
Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety. Ongoing feelings of emptiness. Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights.
At least 14% of those diagnosed with ADHD in childhood later receive a diagnosis of BPD while between 18% and 34% of the adults with ADHD are estimated to have comorbid BPD.
Their wild mood swings, angry outbursts, chronic abandonment fears, and impulsive and irrational behaviors can leave loved ones feeling helpless, abused, and off balance. Partners and family members of people with BPD often describe the relationship as an emotional roller coaster with no end in sight.
They may engage in a variety of risky behaviors such as substance abuse, spending recklessly, or binge eating. They may tend to display recurrent suicidal behaviors or threats and, in some cases, these may be accompanied by non-suicidal self-mutilation.
One of the most common misdiagnoses for BPD is bipolar disorder. Both conditions have episodes of mood instability.
Researchers have used MRI to study the brains of people with BPD. MRI scans use strong magnetic fields and radio waves to produce a detailed image of the inside of the body. The scans revealed that in many people with BPD, 3 parts of the brain were either smaller than expected or had unusual levels of activity.
You might also experience BPD without having any history of traumatic or stressful life events. Or you might have had other types of difficult experiences. If you already experience some of these difficulties, then experiencing stress or trauma as an adult could make things worse.
In close relationships, a person with BPD may appear jealous, possessive, or hyper-reactive. These individuals often fear being left alone and have deep feelings of worthlessness. In many cases, this disorder is the direct result of childhood trauma, abuse, violence, or neglect.
Once the initial breakup has happened, it's not uncommon for the situation to become much more volatile in some cases. There can be more consistent triggers, gaslighting attempts, manipulation and emotional outbursts. BPD relationships will always work in some form of cycle.
Gaslighting is by no means unique to individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD), but certain symptoms make it more likely for people with BPD to feel gaslighted by others and create circumstances where others feel gaslighted by them. Gaps in memory result from dissociation.