As a narcissistic abuse survivor, you will likely have symptoms of post-traumatic stress. Your brain will be on high alert, looking out for danger. This is because the traumatic events triggered a fight or flight response within you. As a result, anything associated with those memories can trigger an anxiety attack.
Through ongoing gaslighting and demeaning of the partner, the narcissist undermines the individual's self-worth and self-confidence, creating extreme emotional abuse that is constant and devastating.
Most recent theories have focused on the link between narcissism and negative childhood experiences, such as physical or sexual violence, neglect, or rejection [10,11].
Signs of Trauma Bonding
You agree with the reasons the abusive person outlines for why they treat you the way they do. You might try to cover for the domestic abuse experience because of feelings of attachment. If someone tries to help you, like your friends or family members, you might withdraw from them.
Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissist repeats a cycle of abuse with another person which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused.
Trauma bonds can last from several months up to a few years. For some people it might not fade away completely and can take longer to fully recover. The impact of the confusion, lack of closure, and cognitive dissonance caused by narcissists can make the trauma bond last longer.
Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when it's they who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.”
Individuals who are in recovery after a relationship with a narcissistic partner describe feelings of confusion, procrastination, low self-esteem, fear of failure, and worthlessness. A narcissistic abuser may use financial abuse to keep the victim trapped in the relationship.
According to Thomaes & Brummelman, the development of narcissism begins at around the ages of 7 or 8.
We demonstrate that narcissism in children is cultivated by parental overvaluation: parents believing their child to be more special and more entitled than others. In contrast, high self-esteem in children is cultivated by parental warmth: parents expressing affection and appreciation toward their child.
Narcissistic collapse occurs when a narcissist's ability to uphold their grandiose, confident image is threatened. As a result, they often become enraged, resulting in impulsivity, intense lashing out, or harm to others.
This model elaborates four basic defensive structures that develop out of our instinctive Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn responses to severe abandonment and trauma (heretofore referred to as the 4Fs).
NO. Narcissists don't know they're hurting you. It doesn't even enter their minds. And, if you try to tell them how you feel, they get defensive and make you feel you're wrong again.
Victims of narcissistic abuse develop coping mechanisms to survive. But once the abuse has ended, their coping mechanisms may turn maladaptive. Over-focusing on others' needs, failing to set boundaries, or doing anything in exchange for kindness may pave the way for maltreatment or abuse.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'”
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.
“Trauma dumping is the unfiltered sharing of strong emotions or upsetting experiences without permission from the listener.” When someone experiences any of the many types of trauma, they often feel overwhelmed and seek relief by sharing their story. Unfortunately, this can backfire.
A trauma bond is usually formed when two people have faced a difficult situation together and have grown to depend on each other for emotional support. This type of bond can last for months or even years, depending on the intensity of the trauma experienced and the level of emotional attachment between the individuals.
A narcissist will target a victim who will forgive them over and over for being hurtful. Typically, people who stay in relationships with narcissists are kind and forgiving. They tend to overlook the bad, seeing mainly the good in other people. So, they will always find excuses for a narcissist's abusive behavior.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.