Separation anxiety usually starts before a child's first birthday and can last until they turn four years. The intensity and timing of separation anxiety vary a lot from child to child (Health Guide, 2018).
How long should you expect this separation anxiety to last? It usually peaks between ten and eighteen months and then fades during the last half of the second year. In some ways, this phase of your child's emotional development will be especially tender for both of you, while in others, it will be painful.
Clinginess is a natural reaction for children experiencing separation anxiety, or fear of being separated from a person they trust. Separation anxiety tends to be strongest from ages 9 to 18 months and usually improves by the time a child is 3.
Baby clingy phases
The onsets may vary by a week or two, but you can be sure of their occurrence. All babies experience clingy periods when big changes in their development occur. Usually calm, easygoing babies will react to these changes just as much as difficult, temperamental babies do.
Babies and toddlers often get clingy and cry if you or their other carers leave them, even for a short time. Separation anxiety and fear of strangers is common in young children between the ages of 6 months and 3 years, but it's a normal part of your child's development and they usually grow out of it.
Newborn babies do not begin to prefer mother, father or anyone at first. In fact, it usually takes infants until they're about 2 or 3 months old before they start to show a strong preference for mother, father or anyone. While a baby is primed for social interaction soon after birth, its abilities are pretty limited.
Why a child only wants one parent. Sometimes when your child favors you or your partner, this is a way of showing toddler independence. She wants to prove that she can make her own choices (in the same way she insists on The Runaway Bunny every night or the green sippy cup every time she has something to drink).
Children can't be too attached, they can only be not deeply attached. Attachment is meant to make our kids dependent on us so that we can lead them. It is our invitation for relationship that frees them to stop looking for love and to start focusing on growing.
Needing a break from your child is appropriate and necessary for your mental and physical health. Your needs are just as important as your child's. Don't ignore them.
“With babies, toddlers and even preschoolers, it tends to be mom who's the favourite because she has usually been the provider of the majority of the comfort — the breast or bottle, food and soothing. When children are upset — when they wake up in the night or get hurt — it's usually mom who's the comfort person.”
Why do children get clingy? A child can show clinginess due to a fear of being away from their parents (separation anxiety) or because of stranger anxiety, where the fear is more about being around people the child doesn't know.
Another reason why it might be time for you to break up is if you find that the clinginess is just too much for you, and he's not willing to make changes. If you are noticing that the relationship has a negative impact on your life and mental health, you should end it then continues struggling in it.
“Often, it can be due to feelings of insecurity, self-doubt or anxiety about the future,” she said. “A lack of confidence in relationships can also contribute to clinginess.
Examples of Clinginess in Relationships
Calling your partner several times a day. Repeatedly messaging them throughout the day. Working yourself into a panic when they don't respond. Constantly stalking your partner's activities on social media.
Not worrying may be easier said than done, but truly, parental preference is a normal and healthy part of toddlerhood. It can pop up between ages one to three, as children become more independent and learn to express their opinions.
According to studies, breastfeeding is the most powerful form of interaction between the mother and the infant. Due to the physical closeness, the baby is more close to the mother than to anyone else in the family.
Ideally, a parent should stay home with a child for the first 2 to 3 years of life.
The stubbornly uttered phrase of, “Daddy do it, not Mommy!” is familiar to many parents of little ones, and it's hard not to take it personally. But it's good to know it's quite common.
Children living with caregivers who are neglectful, abusive, or emotionally unavailable are more likely to develop anxious attachment. This attachment style can increase risk for anxiety disorders and low self-esteem later in life, and have a negative impact on relationships.
Attachment parenting views the initial bonding between mothers/fathers and baby immediately after birth — and up to the first 6 weeks — as a critical step in forming a healthy long-term parent-child attachment.
But many first-time parents find that after the first month of parenthood, it can actually get more difficult. This surprising truth is one reason many experts refer to a baby's first three months of life as the “fourth trimester.” If months two, three, and beyond are tougher than you expected, you're not alone.
Babies often prefer their primary caregiver
Most babies naturally prefer the parent who's their primary caregiver, the person they count on to meet their most basic and essential needs. This is especially true after 6 months when separation anxiety starts to set in.
About Separation Anxiety
Between 4-7 months of age, babies develop a sense of "object permanence." They're realizing that things and people exist even when they're out of sight. Babies learn that when they can't see mom or dad, that means they've gone away.