Think of 10 years as a general guideline, but be open to other ages as well—and don't limit yourself to dating only someone older. "'Cast a wide net' is what I tell all my clients,” Sussman says. “Men should date older, and women should be OK experimenting with dating younger. And we should all be more open-minded.”
Falling in love with a woman 10, 15, 20 years older, or more can be exhilarating. These so-called age-gap relationships with the woman as the senior partner are more accepted now than in previous times, some observers say. Even so, making the relationship last involves tackling some thorny -- and sensitive -- issues.
Romantic couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows. Studies have found partners with more than a 10-year gap in age experience social disapproval. But when it comes to our own relationships, both men and women prefer someone their own age, but are open to someone 10-15 years their junior or senior.
It's pretty common to date someone who's a few years younger or older than you, and often the age difference is no big deal. Sometimes, maturity levels match, even when ages don't. But when the age difference is bigger, there are other things to consider.
“Even if the age gap is small, like 4 to 5 years, different levels of maturity can be observed,” says Brandy Porche, a licensed professional counselor with MindPath. “When there is a significant difference in age, like 10 to 15 years or more, life experiences can be vastly different.”
Fitzpatrick says that the general age gap usually accepted by society is about ten to twelve years, after which you'll probably start raising some eyebrows; "Once one partner is old enough to be the other's parent, people tend to frown."
It's widely assumed that couples with big age differences will face bigger struggles and are, therefore, more likely to split. But research suggests not. Some studies have found the relationship satisfaction reported by age-gap couples is higher, with greater levels of trust and commitment and lower levels of jealousy.
The truth is, there is no ideal or appropriate age gap in a relationship. Whether it's a 20 year age gap relationship or a 5 year age gap relationship, there will be both challenges and benefits to your situation.
For those who'd like to put a number to things, usually, a gap of 1-7 years can be considered an acceptable age difference between adults. People whose ages are within 1-3 years typically do not see much of an age difference, while years 4-7 might begin to feel a little bit more pronounced.
Most people don't think age-gapped relationships are a big deal. A 2008 study found that couples only face societal disapproval when their age difference is over ten years—I'm in the clear! Woo! Even big age gaps tend to become less taboo as people get older, and it certainly matters at what age the couple met.
Older women tend to appreciate a more direct approach. Stay cool, and casually ask her if she'd be interested in seeing you again the following week. Try saying something like, "I've loved talking to you, but I have to get going. Are you free for dinner next Friday?" If she says yes, ask for her phone number.
Be confident.
Think positively about your prospects—older women detect that level of confidence and are attracted to it. Speak smoothly, and crack a joke every once in a while to get her to laugh. Keep the conversation going. Ask her questions and tell funny anecdotes.
Romantic couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows. Studies have found partners with more than a ten-year gap in age experience social disapproval. But when it comes to our own relationships, both men and women prefer someone their own age, but are open to someone 10-15 years their junior or senior.
How much of an age gap is too much? There is no hard and fast rule on what kind of an age gap is or isn't acceptable in any relationship. While couples typically tend to have an age gap of around one to three years in many cultures, each individual will have a different comfort level that they feel is right for them.
Relationships with a big age gap can work if you're willing to put the effort in. There are times when they can seem more difficult because of generational differences; so, it's important to common interests and goals. If your values are aligned, it doesn't really matter if there is a large age gap.
In Western countries, of male-female couples have an age-gap of 10 years or more, rising to 25% in male-male unions and 15% of female-female relationships. For some the gap is even larger – data suggests that around 1% of heterosexual couples in the US have an age difference of 28 years or more.
Usually, married couples in their 20s have sex 80 times a year, whereas those in their 60s are likely to engage in sex only about 20 times annually.
Is it wrong to date someone 20 years younger than you? As long as you're both old enough to be consenting adults, it can only be wrong if you two think there's something wrong with it. Unless you have an issue with the dynamics of your relationship, there's no one else who can say what you're doing is wrong.
While dating an older man, it's crucial to remember that you are not responsible for bridging the age gap. If your partner frequently pressures you to act older, conform to their lifestyle, or give up interests and hobbies that they deem "immature," it's a red flag.
Being attracted to older men is totally normal, and even though stigmas around age-gap relationships exist, you should follow your heart. Typically, young people like the experience and maturity of older men. After years of dating around, older guys tend to know what they want.
What's considered a big age gap when you're dating? An age gap of 10 years or more is considered a big difference. When one person has a decade more life experience than their partner, the couple might be incompatible. You're likely to have different circles of friends, different interests, and different life goals.
A relationship age gap bigger than 10 years often comes with its own set of issues. “While there are always exceptions to rules, a good rule to remember is that dating someone more than 10 years older will present challenges now or later that add to the preexisting challenges any relationship has,” he says.
In Western countries, about 8% of male-female couples have an age gap of 10 years or more, rising to 25% in male-male unions and 15% of female-female relationships. And, in any case, experts note a perfect age difference does not exist.
Naysayers may tell you it won't work out; however, according to couples who are in such partnerships, there are ways to make it work. "I have seen couples with significant age differences bridge that gap," relationship expert Rachel A. Sussman, LCSW, told us.
When it comes to dating,people generally don't mind the age factor or any other factor as long as a potential partner is physically and emotionally attractive. Guys like to date younger girls and girls like to date older guys.