Tips for relating to Nines Don't take too personally: Their tendency to space out or forget to do things. To create rapport: Slow down and "hang out" a bit. Listen to them; stay peaceful. Try to avoid: Coming on too strong, getting impatient.
Though they may not always feel comfortable sharing their innermost feelings, they often show their love to each other in acts of service, in consideration for the other's likes and preferences, and in their unique sense of humor.
Dating can really be a struggle for Type 9s. First, it can be hard for them to get a partner. Type 9s tend to be wallflowers, and potential romantic prospects may be drawn to flashier, more gregarious types initially. However, once people get to know Type 9s, they're attracted to their calm, caring personalities.
Allow the Peacemaker in your life plenty of time and space to process their anxiety about conflict. Avoid making them feel guilty or embarrassed for how conflict affects them and often remind them that you are there to support them without criticism or judgment.
In relationships, Nines value comfort and harmony. Nines extend acceptance to others, which creates a safe, loving space for the relationship to thrive. It's important to Nines that others are also just, fair, and open to different perspectives.
Type Nines commonly pair well with Ones, Twos.
In a Nine-One partnership, Ones hugely benefit from the easygoing nature of the Nine.
The most basic desire of the Enneagram Type 9 is to have internal peace. Nines strive to be in harmony with themselves and the world around them. Peacekeepers defend themselves by ignoring pain or numbing their internal conflicts through food, television, and other repetitive patterns.
Easygoing, agreeable Nines crave a meaningful, harmonious connection with their partners. And the best way for them to build that is through quality time.
Anger is an emotionally draining experience for Nines, who often take a while to notice that they are upset. They, therefore, don't allow themselves to experience anger too often or too intensely. Nines "tune in" to the feelings and emotions of the people around them.
Message They Want To Hear:
“You deserve to be seen and heard.” Type 9s often feel that they are invisible.
Things That Make Nines Mad:
Feeling ignored or unimportant. Feeling misunderstood because of their calm, easy-going nature. Harsh criticism. Being taken advantage of.
The Nine doesn't want to be upset by what is going on in their life, so if things aren't going well they tend to shut down. This means they disengage from themselves and figuring out what it is that they want in life or addressing their own needs.
Type Fives don't pair as well with Nines
It can be challenging for the two types to build a close relationship with their different focuses. Both types tend to go into their imaginary worlds to stay safe, making it difficult for them to connect.
Level 9: They finally become severely disoriented and catatonic, abandoning themselves, turning into shattered shells. Multiple personalities possible. Generally corresponds to the Schizoid and Dependent personality disorders.
I would argue that an Enneagram 8 personality is among the hardest to love. They want to be in control and don't want to be vulnerable. Many 8's have serious trust issues. Eights are often argumentative, confrontational, bossy, etc.
Nines can have the tendency of living in their own world to avoid the problems and pain of reality, which can cause them to be disengaged, unreflective, and inattentive. Unhealthy Nines can become indifferent by minimizing problems affecting themselves and others.
In general, 8s, 9s, and 1s — the body type — tend to get angry when they see injustice, and when they feel like people are trying to control them, but this is expressed in different ways.
Healthy Nines offer safe space to others. They are easy-going and accepting, so that others feel safe with them. There is almost no tendency in Nines to manipulate others or to make them feel guilty for not responding as they would like.
For Type 9s, a strong nervous system means conflict will feel less anxiety-provoking. As part of the Body/Instinctive triad in the Enneagram, Type 9s have a sensitive issue around anger.
However, when complacent Nines are under stress (also known as their “direction of disintegration”), they act more like an anxious and worried Enneagram type Six. This is a Nine no longer self-possessed, but fraught with anxiety and insecurity.
In Stress: Nines take on qualities of Sixes, becoming overcommitted, worried, rigid, and anxious.
moving ahead to type 6
Not surprisingly, Nines can find the anxiety and sense of threat they might feel as they move to Six to be uncomfortable. But these feelings (experienced consciously and managed mindfully) can help move Nines out of inertia and stimulate them to action in support of themselves.
Nine: A Six and Nine pairing is one of the most common couples. Both types are reliable and crave stability. Nines can also help Sixes be more optimistic and trusting of other people.
Healthy Nines are exceptional mediators and persuaders that can help other people understand different perspectives. Less healthy Nines, however, can show up as apathetic, overly passive, and highly self-critical.
Type 9s deal with their sadness through disassociation. They use this defense mechanism through cutting off the pain or in this case, sadness, by distancing themselves from it.