One of the key differences between a narcissist and a gaslighter is that while both can be emotionally abusive, a narcissist will typically use gaslighting tactics to control and manipulate their victims. In contrast, a gaslighter uses emotional abuse to gain power over their targets.
There are some common traits of gaslighters. They may be very charming and charismatic and may also be very manipulative and controlling. Narcissists can be charming to hook you in, but then their true colors come out by being very critical and judgmental. Narcissists are also often experts at playing the victim.
While narcissists often strive to make themselves seem superior and “special” by showing off, bragging, taking undeserved credit, and other forms of self-aggrandizement, gaslighters tend to concentrate on making you feel inferior through false accusations, constant criticism, and psychological intimidation.
Questioning someone's credibility, minimizing or denying things that happened, or leaving out key facts are examples of gaslighting tactics. Gaslighting is just one of many abusive tactics people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may use to protect their egos.
Beyond that, we'll also help you identify when a gaslighting situation or toxic relationship requires professional help. It's important to remember that not all people with narcissistic personality disorder are gaslighters, just like not everyone who gaslights has NPD.
Gaslighting is a common strategy used by narcissists to keep another person under their control. However, not all narcissists gaslight, and similarly, not all people who gaslight are narcissists. In other words, if someone gaslights you, it does not necessarily mean they are narcissistic.
Whether or not your gaslighter is a narcissist, you need to either confront them about their behaviour or leave the situation. If a gaslighter isn't a narcissist, they may have the capacity for greater self-awareness and a greater willingness to seek help for their damaging behaviour.
Substance use disorders, trauma responses, and low self-worth may, at times, also mimic trait narcissism or even NPD.
Instead, the opposite of that statement about gaslighting is to deliberately and systematically [feed someone] true information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves.
A gaslighter believes their own lies and is insistent upon them which makes the person question themselves.
People with NPD have an inflated sense of importance, an excessive need for admiration and attention, and a lack of empathy for others. They often struggle to maintain healthy relationships and may experience difficulties in other aspects of their lives.
Another way to confuse a narcissist is to make them doubt themselves. This can be done by contradicting everything they say and doing the opposite of what they want. For example, if the narcissist wants you to do something, refuse and do the complete opposite.
Deliberate gaslighters
And some people or entities that gaslight do, in fact, realize they are doing it: It is a strategy they have studied—and their sources may surprise you.
Toxic people are controlling, manipulative, and emotionally abusive. A narcissist will use gaslighting to make you feel confused and insecure. They will use every opportunity to shame you and isolate you from other people. Also, a narcissist will always play a victim and make you feel guilty.
Other narcissist "tests" are not at all scientifically validated, such as the so-called narcissist smile test, which claims that you can tell if someone is a narcissist based on how they react if you smile, look them in the eye, and tell them "no" in response to something they ask of you.
Red Flags When You're In a Relationship With a Narcissist
Downplays your emotions. Uses manipulative tactics to “win” arguments. Love bombing, especially after a fight. Makes you second-guess yourself constantly.
They Are Criticized. When a narcissist is criticized, their inflated sense of self is damaged. Any perceived negative feedback, even if offered in gentle or productive ways, can easily result in outbursts of narcissistic rage. A narcissist cannot tolerate threats to their massive egos and grandiose self-image.
He or she simply won't care about how your day went, for instance. In addition, a narcissist will never accept blame or apologize for their wrongdoings. In fact, it's likely that they'll blame you for upsetting them and causing them to lash out.
Gaslighting in Abuse Relationships
In many cases, the gaslighter will get defensive about their actions and claim they do it out of love. I only do it because I love you. By saying this, they're making their victim feel as if their love for the gaslighter is less than what they're receiving in return.
Apologize. If you've heard someone say, “Narcissists never apologize,” they're not exactly right. While many traits of narcissism like entitlement, elitism, and arrogance make it unlikely someone with narcissistic traits will go the apology route, apologies are sometimes used with ulterior motives.
Is a Narcissist's Crying Genuine? It is a myth that narcissism is synonymous with inability to experience sadness. Like anyone else, people with NPD still experience emotions and crying.