The truth is, there is no ideal or appropriate age gap in a relationship. Whether it's a 20 year age gap relationship or a 5 year age gap relationship, there will be both challenges and benefits to your situation.
Issues like fertility, starting and blending families, differences in life stages like retirement need to be worked through. But beyond that, there's no such thing as a perfect age gap. No relationship is without flaws, nor are there any guaranteed outcomes. So if you and your mate are decades apart, it may not matter.
In Western countries, of male-female couples have an age-gap of 10 years or more, rising to 25% in male-male unions and 15% of female-female relationships. For some the gap is even larger – data suggests that around 1% of heterosexual couples in the US have an age difference of 28 years or more.
Couples with an age gap of 1 to 3 years (with the man older than the woman) were the most common and had the greatest levels of satisfaction. Relationship satisfaction decreased slightly for couples with age gaps of 4 to 6 years and continued to decrease for couples with an age gap of 7 or more years.
What's considered a big age gap when you're dating? An age gap of 10 years or more is considered a big difference. When one person has a decade more life experience than their partner, the couple might be incompatible. You're likely to have different circles of friends, different interests, and different life goals.
1. Is it wrong to date someone 20 years younger than you? As long as you're both old enough to be consenting adults, it can only be wrong if you two think there's something wrong with it. Unless you have an issue with the dynamics of your relationship, there's no one else who can say what you're doing is wrong.
Relationships with a big age gap can work if you're willing to put the effort in. There are times when they can seem more difficult because of generational differences; so, it's important to common interests and goals. If your values are aligned, it doesn't really matter if there is a large age gap.
Heterosexual couples with large age gaps had a faster decline in relationship satisfaction in their first 6 to 10 years of marriage than similarly aged couples. Couples with an age gap of 1 to 3 years (with the man older than the woman) were the most common and had the greatest levels of satisfaction.
Gertrude Grubb Janeway (USA, b. 3 July 1909), was 18 when she married 81-year-old Union Civil War veteran, John Janeway on 9 June 1927 – an age difference of 63 years. The last Union widow of a Civil War veteran, she died 17 January 2003 aged 93.
Many people assume that age-gap couples fare poorly when it comes to relationship outcomes. But some studies find the relationship satisfaction reported by age-gap couples is higher. These couples also seem to report greater trust and commitment and lower jealousy than similar-age couples.
There is no hard and fast rule on what kind of an age gap is or isn't acceptable in any relationship. While couples typically tend to have an age gap of around one to three years in many cultures, each individual will have a different comfort level that they feel is right for them.
Jeff Goldblum, Sean Penn, and Richard Gere have partners who are more than 30 years their junior. Dennis Quaid and Mick Jagger are over 40 years older than their partners.
There is no exact maximum or minimum acceptable age difference considered good or bad in a relationship. Research shows that married couples with a one-year age gap have a much lower chance of separation than couples with large age gaps.
When the couple has a 20-year age gap, the likelihood of divorce rises to 95%. A 30-year age difference means a whopping 172% chance of divorce. So the bigger the age gap, the higher the chance of divorce.
Many reasons cause couples to part ways even after many years of marriage, like lack of communication, unresolved issues of the past, and lack of mutual growth. Having financial clarity, finding a support system and shunning negativity help you weather this storm.
Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart
Ford and Flockhart first met at the 2002 Golden Globes. After dating for eight years, the duo tied the knot in June 2010. Flockhart called their 22-year age gap a “non-issue” in 2017, divulging that “The truth is, I sometimes feel very much older than Harrison.”
“Couples have to make a lot of joint decisions for example, where to live, how many children to have, and how to spend their money. Couples who are more dissimilar, and age difference is one source of dissimilarity, may be less likely to agree on these joint decisions. This will then become a source of conflict.”
There's nothing wrong with it, if both parties want to date. Whether two unattached, consenting adults date one another is no one else's business but theirs.
A relationship age gap bigger than 10 years often comes with its own set of issues. “While there are always exceptions to rules, a good rule to remember is that dating someone more than 10 years older will present challenges now or later that add to the preexisting challenges any relationship has,” he says.
Romantic couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows. Studies have found partners with more than a ten-year gap in age experience social disapproval. But when it comes to our own relationships, both men and women prefer someone their own age, but are open to someone 10-15 years their junior or senior.
"Half-your-age-plus-seven" rule
An often-asserted rule of thumb to determine whether an age difference is socially acceptable holds that a person should never date someone whose age is less than half their own plus seven years.
With an average age gap of one year, couples only had a 3% chance of breaking up, while couples five years apart had an 18% chance, couples ten years apart had a 39% chance, and couples 20 years apart had a 95% chance of breaking up, according to one study.
Romantic couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows. Studies have found partners with more than a 10-year gap in age experience social disapproval. But when it comes to our own relationships, both men and women prefer someone their own age, but are open to someone 10-15 years their junior or senior.