"Conversational narcissists don't necessarily meet the criteria for a formal diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)," Wendy Behary, LCSW, tells mbg. "They're usually somewhere on the spectrum, though."
Talking for long periods of time and not letting the conversation partner speak often – or at all – in a conversation is a massive red flag that you're showing signs of conversational narcissism. A narcissist gives people little to no time or room for others to get a word in, let alone speak in a conversation.
Why is Conversational Narcissism So Common? Steering a conversation towards yourself happens for three reasons: You are comfortable talking about yourself and your own experiences. Relating another person's experience to your own is perceived as a way to connect, understand, and relate to them.
Echoism is sometimes considered the opposite of narcissism, but central to being an echoist is a fear of seeming narcissistic. They fear being the center of attention or a burden to others. Individuals like that tend to be warmhearted, to the point of overgiving and under-receiving.
Need for Admiration
One of the most common signs of a narcissist is a constant need for praise or admiration. People with this behavior need to feel validation from others and often brag or exaggerate their accomplishments for recognition. They also like to feel appreciated to boost their ego.
While most people with NPD are not aware that they are narcissists, it's important to remember that no abuse is acceptable or excusable.
Here are a few tips on how to deal with a conversational narcissist: Step 1: Start a conversation with open-ended questions. Step 2: Listen when others are talking and turn off any thoughts of your own experiences. Perhaps write down what the other person is saying.
Regardless of how they turn the conversation back to themselves, there is one thing all these methods have in common… insecurity. Like with all narcissists, there are a lot of insecurities underneath the surface. There are a lot of reasons why someone is a conversation narcissist.
Always remember: You can't change them!
Conversational narcissists don't like silence. So, become more comfortable with “waiting.” Fran Leibowitz says, “The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.” How true for me.
Any narcissist's main goal with texting (no matter how hard they try to hide their true intentions), is to get the constant confirmation: “Yes, I am in control.” In the beginning, when they are love-bombing you, they get you addicted to this intense texting pattern.
Malignant Narcissism in the Mental Health World
Although malignant narcissism is genuinely considered to be a manifestation of NPD, with experts agreeing that it is the most severe form of the personality disorder, it isn't recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition (DSM-5).
Specifically, people who scored high on the personality dimension of narcissism tended to be with partners who also scored high on narcissism. Conversely, people who scored low on narcissism tended to be with less narcissistic partners.
But conversational narcissism means people use the "shift response" as they try and claim that limelight for themselves. For example, if someone says they have a headache, a support response would be "I feel you. Is it a headache?
Cerebral narcissists, also known as intellectual narcissists, are individuals who try to fulfill their narcissistic supply through their perceived intelligence. While intellectual narcissists are generally smart, they may present as if they are more educated than they really are.
They may exploit even their close confidants, for personal gain, or just to find out how they react to the hurt. Covert narcissists often are socially awkward but tend to be very intelligent. They tend to avoid group meetings and team activities. They have derision for their superiors and often snap at them.
Covert narcissism traits
An over-inflated sense of self-importance. Lack of empathy. A need for excessive admiration. Sense of entitlement.
If you were to use the silent treatment against the narcissist in your life, you would be making it very easy for them to manipulate you into a negative interaction because you wouldn't be making conscious and well-informed decisions.
If you have the energy, acknowledge the narcissist's feelings and let them know what they're feeling has significance. Encourage them to talk about how they're feeling and work toward having a conversation about how the silent treatment affects you and better ways to get your feelings across than the silent treatment.
By establishing boundaries, enforcing consequences if necessary, sharing emotions with others, and speaking up for yourself; you will take away their power, thus protecting yourself from the narcissist's silent treatment.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'”
Covert narcissists may not be aware of their toxic behaviors or they may not know their behavior is stemming from a personality disorder. This isn't an excuse for acting in hurtful ways, but it is something to keep in mind when dealing with a narcissist.
They may exhibit symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) but often hide the more obvious signs of the condition. While it can be more difficult to recognize, covert narcissism can be just as destructive as more overt narcissistic behaviors.