Many people might think that being nice is a lovely way to be, that it would make you very well-liked and easy to get along with, and that is probably true. However, being too nice can also mean that you become a door mat or a people-pleaser. It can mean that you put other's needs ahead of your own.
Often, being too nice in a relationship is a sign of a deeper insecurity. It may stem from our attachment style or from experiences we had in childhood. Being too accommodating in a relationship may also be a sign of low self esteem or codependency in relationships.
People who are 'too nice' often avoid sharing their ideas due to fear of rejection, judgement, or the (false) belief that it's selfish or controlling to do so. When the relationship is deprived of that creative energy it slowly starves over time, becoming stagnant, dull & lifeless. It also leads to disconnection.
Sometimes, too nice really is a red flag. Someone who seems too nice could actually be love bombing you, an early warning sign of abuse, for instance. "Although on the surface, you may feel someone is too nice, it's actually your intuition trying to give you a subtle warning that something is off," Nikhade says.
Nice people can be pushovers
Too-good-to-be-true relationships can be dangerous sometimes. Especially if your partner is a nice person to the point of toxicity. Such people are called pushovers. Having a pushover partner can eat away at your mental health in unexpected ways.
Red flags in a guy or girl can be signs of narcissism, aggression, victimization, or even abusive behavior. By becoming aware of some common red flags, you can avoid getting involved in a toxic relationship.
That said, when asked what they're looking for in an ideal partner, women tend to cite nice-guy traits, like honesty, trustworthiness, and respectfulness. “In fact, they usually say they would actively avoid partners who are rude, disrespectful, or physically aggressive," she adds.
"You can never be too nice to people, but you must nonetheless, be vigilant, as some will see it as a sign of weakness and try to take advantage of you," warns Quora user Christopher Kosel in one representative answer.
Studies have shown that people rate others as more desirable if they embody compassionate traits — kindness, selflessness, mindfulness, empathy — to some degree.
Nice guy syndrome, or NGS, is more than just being a nice person. “Nice guys” are often viewed as having very little control over their own life, including having few boundaries. Always ready to help and known for rarely- if ever- saying no, they quickly develop a reputation as a nice guy.
In the dating context, if a guy says you are nice what he's really saying is he sees you as someone he could be friends with, but not necessarily someone he'd like to date. Pardon the pun, but it's a nice way of letting someone know they're not interested.
One person makes all the decisions and tells the other what to do, what to wear, or who to spend time with. They are jealous, and/or try to isolate the other person from their friends and family. Dependence.
Time and time again displays of niceness and friendliness are perceived as some form of sexual interest. Whilst for many women, showing a smile and being friendly is what a decent person does, men often misinterpret this signal as flirting or a sign they are interested sexually.
Healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, respect and open communication between partners and they take effort and compromise from both people. There is no imbalance of power. Partners respect each other's independence, can make their own decisions without fear of retribution or retaliation, and share decisions.
In retrospect, being friendly is entirely different from flirting, and the main difference is the relationship between people involved. Flirting often takes place when people are sexually attracted to each other whereas being friendly does not involve any attraction.
After surveying over 16,000 individuals across eight different countries who were all asked at what ages they think men and women are most beautiful, the data found that the overall average age where women are found to be most attractive is 28.
Another study found that people are often attracted to others whom they perceive as supportive, loving, and secure. Recent research confirms kindness is a top priority for those looking for a long-term partner.
Niceness is a decision, a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait. People seeking to control others almost always present the image of a nice person in the beginning. Niceness is not a character trait. Niceness is an outcome-oriented behavior people put on in order to achieve or gain something.
Kindness is a strength within the virtue category of humanity, one of six virtues that subcategorize the 24 strengths. Humanity describes strengths that manifest in caring relationships with others. These strengths are interpersonal and are mostly relevant in one-on-one relationships.
Nice Men (and Women) Can Seal the Deal
Men who scored higher on altruism also reported more sexual partners, and more casual hook-ups compared to female participants. If altruistic participants were in long-term relationships, those altruistic men and women said they had more sex over the last 30 days.
Approachability is attractive
Of course, men blessed with symmetrical features, chiseled jaws and great hair will always score higher in the attractiveness stakes, but several studies have shown that women tend to be more attracted to approachable, average looks when looking for a long-term partner.
An excessively nice person might never be really known on a deep level or taken seriously. Their preferences might be over-ridden, and they could be neglected. It can even impact your job. Being too accommodating can make you a bit invisible, because you never stand for anything.