Cheating happens when there is a combination of dysfunctional behaviors, such as lying, substance abuse, delusions or mania, and struggles within a relationship. While cheating isn't a justifiable coping method, it does become a mechanism for dealing with pain when no other avenues seem available.
They have low self-esteem.
This trait is a known risk factor for cheating, and often for these people, cheating can be a coping mechanism and an attempted means to feel validated, desired and needed.
Escapism. Many people I work with can fall into this category – as it's a big one! Through therapy, people who cheat often admit they want to “escape” their current relationship. It's bringing them unhappiness or discomfort, so they move towards something which does not.
In surveys of individuals who have cheated, falling out of love, seeking variety, and feeling neglected were the most commonly cited reasons, followed by situational forces, a desire to raise self-esteem, and anger with a partner.
People who cheat are likely impulsive and destructive at decision making. Instead of thinking about you and what happens to the relationship after cheating, they go based on what they want right now. Impulsiveness can be seen in other areas of the relationship, too. So keep an eye out.
Know That You Aren't a Bad Person
"Cheating is a very serious thing. It's a very big deal, and you should take the time to really sift through all of those feelings and reactions you're having," said Gloria. "At the same time, you also need to recognize that this doesn't make you a categorically terrible person.
No, cheating doesn't mean your love wasn't real.
Whether you believe that someone can love their partner in the moment of infidelity or not, it's difficult to argue that there was never any love in a relationship just because someone cheated. People fall in and out of love all the time.
Why do people cheat? A wide variety of factors can bring out some type of affair. A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance.
The Reasoning
There are many reasons people cheat, but according to Campbell, they usually fall into three categories: individual, relationship, and situational.
Between one in four to five Americans have an affair in their lifetime. Among men, 68% feel guilty after having an affair. Even if they haven't confessed the affair, most cheating husbands will feel guilty and express that guilt in their behavior.
Clearly, there's nothing “accidental” about choosing to cheat on your spouse. Regardless of the details, the unfaithful party has carried out an act of deception and betrayal. One for which they need to take responsibility. However, most who end up being unfaithful to their partner had never planned on doing so.
Cheating on a spouse or significant other is sure to cause feelings of jealousy and hurt in the spurned partner. But men and women differ on what part of cheating they think is the worst: Men tend to be more bothered by sexual infidelity, while most women are bothered more by emotional infidelity.
On November 3, 2009, Inside Edition reiterated the claim that the show was staged, citing several more actors who said they were paid to appear.
Someone who is a serial cheater often has unresolved childhood trauma stemming from factors like parental abuse, unhealthy attachments, unrealistic relationship expectations, and/or divorce. These may continue to affect how they view relationships, causing them to continue to cheat.
"The traits shared by psychopaths and sociopaths are the traits that make both types more likely to cheat: a disregard for social morals and the rights and feelings of others, and a failure to feel remorse or guilt," she says.
So, the individual who is least likely to cheat on their partner is conscientious, agreeable and introverted. The authors explain: “Conscientiousness refers to self-control, perseverance and sense of duty.
Some people cheat because they have unrealistic expectations about what their partner and primary relationship can (and should) provide. They may think their partner should meet every need and desire they have, which is an impossible standard.
In happy relationships, someone might cheat—not because they are dissatisfied with their partner—but, because they are dissatisfied with themselves. It's easy for people to get caught between the questions “What do I want?” and “What does everyone else want from me?”
According to the General Social Survey, men are more likely to cheat than women, with 20% of men and 13% of women reporting having sex with someone other than their partner while still married.
The Progression of Infidelity
For one person, it may be micro-cheating that turns into emotional infidelity, followed by physical infidelity. For another, digital infidelity may turn into physical infidelity. Someone who habitually cheats may go through different stages with each partner outside of the relationship.
Takeaway. There are many potential reasons why a person may cheat. There are eight key reasons and motivations for affairs, including low self-esteem, anger, low commitment, lack of love, neglect, sexual desire, need for variety, and circumstances.
“Couples do and can stay together after an affair, but it takes a lot of work to repair broken trust.” Klow says most couples don't recover when one cheats but “those that do can emerge stronger from having gone through the process of recovering from the affair.” It takes time, however.