Phobias are a very common type of anxiety disorder. They cause you to have extreme thoughts or fears about things that aren't truly harmful. Gamophobia is a specific phobic disorder, which means you're afraid of a certain situation: marriage or commitment.
There are a number of factors that can cause commitment issues. These causes often include fears about the relationship, such as fear of being hurt, fear of being with the wrong person, fear of things not working out, and other relationship-related anxieties.
Causes of Commitment Issues. Commitment issues can develop based on our “attachment style,” a psychological theory about the way we relate to the people around us. Attachment styles form when we're very young and influence how we behave in intimate relationships, according to Sterling.
If you fear getting close to people or making relationship decisions that have a long-lasting effect, such as getting married, you might have commitment phobia. It is common to fear the unknown, but people with commitment phobia can extend this fear to other parts of their life — especially romantic relationships.
Trauma experienced during childhood that was never addressed and resolved may lead to relationship challenges, including commitment phobia. Negative experiences in the past with infidelity or abuse can also lead to a loss of trust overall and fear of commitment.
Identifying a Commitment-phobe
Sad though the situation is, if you're hoping for long-term love but are dating a commitment-phobe you're probably better off out of the relationship. Entering into any romantic relationship thinking you can change the other person is a bad idea.
Knowing that there are commitment issues in a relationship can be scary, and you might begin to feel hopeless about the future. The reality is, with hard work and dedication, overcoming commitment issues is possible.
Like most emotional and psychological struggles, there is no “quick fix” or “cure” for intense relationship anxiety or commitment phobia. By exploring your personal experiences, beliefs, fears, and wants/needs you can open yourself up to the possibility of change.
Fear of intimacy can also be due to childhood trauma, such as the loss of a parent or abuse. This causes the person to have difficulty trusting others. It could also be because of a personality disorder, such as avoidant personality disorder or schizoid personality disorder.
If you're dating someone who has a fear of commitment, acknowledging progress can make a world of difference. Express your admiration for any efforts they take to move past their fear and let them know how much you support them. Encouragement is especially helpful for those with an avoidant attachment style.
Group therapy for commitment issues could involve a therapist facilitating sessions with many clients connected by similar relationship problems. In-person or online support groups can also offer useful information about relationships while building a sense of community with others who struggle with commitment.
Gamophobia is a fear of commitment or marriage.
Having commitment issues can mean different things for different people. Some people might be afraid of the idea of being in a relationship forever, while others might have a fear that they'll be abandoned, hurt, cheated on, or that they might cheat, Katerina explains.
Being emotionally unavailable describes someone who is not open to discussing or sharing their feelings. They can be evasive, flaky, or hard to read. "They're scared of intimacy," explains licensed couples therapist Brooke Sprowl, LCSW, CNTS.
If someone who has a fear of commitment wants to change, it is very possible. But oftentimes their fear holds them back from wanting something different or being willing to do the work to change their mindset. The most effective approach is individual and/or couples therapy.
Long story short, the answer is yes: Commitment-phobes can fall in love. As Adina Mahalli, Master Social Worker from Maple Holistics, explains, “Fear and love are not mutually exclusive. This means that it's entirely plausible that someone who is afraid of commitment can indeed fall in love.”
If you notice signs a commitment-phobe loves you, it might be worth sticking around and helping your significant other work through their fear of commitment. On the other hand, if you are unhappy in the relationship and don't see things improving, it's probably time to talk away.
Philophobia — a fear of love — can negatively affect your ability to have meaningful relationships. A painful breakup, divorce, abandonment or rejection during childhood or adulthood may make you afraid to fall in love. Psychotherapy (talk therapy) can help you overcome this specific phobic disorder.
A study of the romantic history of 58 adults aged 22-28 found that those who avoid committed romantic relationships are likely a product of unresponsive or over-intrusive parenting, says Dr. Sharon Dekel, a psychologist and researcher at the Bob Shapell School of Social Work.
Acting clingy
An individual might hold on to a relationship even though it consistently makes them feel frightened or unloved. Moreover, relational trauma can also lead people to feel and act clingy even when they're in a loving, stable relationship. This may occur with no obvious reasons for being insecure.
Traumatic experiences can initiate strong emotions and physical reactions that can persist long after the event. Children may feel terror, helplessness, or fear, as well as physiological reactions such as heart pounding, vomiting, or loss of bowel or bladder control.
Signs that someone has commitment issues.
Avoiding making future plans with your partner. Avoiding talking or thinking about the future of the relationship. Serious or long-term relationships are always out of the question. Lack of emotional attachment.