Not say or do anything at all While they may not notice in their grievous state, if you are an important person in their life, they most likely will eventually take note. Even if all you can do is say you're so sorry and give them a hug, that is better than doing nothing at all.
Typically, there is an abundance of grief and emotion at a memorial service, making conversation more difficult but even more necessary. One of the worst things to do at a funeral or memorial service is to keep quiet.
Considering you're there to honor someone who passed away, funerals should also be a no-phone zone. "Talking or being on your phone during the service is one of the most disrespectful things you could do at a funeral," says Myka Meier, Beaumont Etiquette founder and etiquette expert.
1. Less is more: Keep your words to the bereaved short, sincere and simple. Remember that they are usually have many people to talk to and are emotionally worn down. Saying something like, " I'm so sorry", "My condolences to you and the entire family" or "My thoughts are with you all," are safe bets.
The short answer is: yes, it's completely normal. Everyone processes grief and expresses emotions differently, and it's important to remember that there is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve. While crying at funerals is a common response to the loss of a loved one, some people might not feel the need to cry.
It might seem disrespectful not to attend a parent's funeral, but this is ultimately a personal choice. There is no obligation to attend a funeral, and you might find that you would like to say goodbye in your own way. If you were estranged from the parent, you may have already grieved their death in your own way.
Etiquette for Missing a Funeral
If you miss a funeral and have a good relationship with the family, it's an appropriate gesture to pass along your condolences and inform them why you are unable to attend if you're comfortable doing so.
It's not only okay to smile at a funeral but it's also encouraged, especially when greeting the bereaved.
Funerals are emotional events and if there is family conflict, estranged relationships, or other reasons that can make the occasion uncomfortable, then the better personal choice may be to not attend.
Avoid platitudes that can perceived as insensitive, like "He's in a better place," and "The pain will lessen in time." Don't ask how the person died, or tell the bereaved you know how they feel.
Keep your memories positive in a eulogy speech. Even if some personal challenges arose with the person, leave those out and focus on the good. In a eulogy, do not say anything about the person's cause of death, grudges and old grievances, arguments, character flaws, family rifts, or negative memories.
"They're not only feeling the loss of their loved one, but also are feeling frightened, scared for themselves," Feldman said. "For those people funerals are less emotionally satisfying and may cause problems in the grief process."
If the person who died did not specify who they wanted to speak at their funeral, the closest family members usually have the final say.
The eulogy itself is typically given by a close family member, friend or a minister. There's no reason why two people cannot deliver the eulogy, or in some cases, it may be more appropriate to open the eulogies to all attendees.
Family members, friends, clergy, and/or funeral conductors often give eulogies. At very religious funerals it is common for only clergy to deliver eulogies. However, even at many religious funerals it is common for others to deliver eulogies as well.
There is no shame in being emotional at a funeral, people won't remember that you were upset, they will remember that you had the strength and courage to come forward and share beautiful memories of your loved ones life.
Unless explicitly requested by the deceased's family, it is best to avoid taking photographs at a funeral or memorial ceremony. Taking candid photos of the relatives in their most vulnerable moments of grief might cause stress and destroy the mood during the service.
A traditional funeral, also known as a full service funeral, begins with a funeral ceremony which is held at a church or chapel. This is followed by a cremation or burial at a prebooked cemetery plot. In most cases, there is usually a viewing that can be held just before the funeral ceremony or a few days before.
A funeral is not the time for negative comments to the family, so save the jokes and embarrassing stories for another time. Avoid the following types of statements: Don't tell the family that they'll get over their grief with time. Don't tell a husband or wife that they'll meet someone else.
Many people who choose not to attend a funeral due to their own trepidations oftentimes regret not going, especially if the loss was someone they were close to. What helps make funerals healing experiences is their timeliness.
As with a funeral service, if you are invited to a wake, viewing, or visitation you should feel free to go. If the event is limited to family only, you should respect the family's wishes and not attend.
Traditional funeral etiquette dictates that you should introduce yourself, starting with your name and how you knew the deceased. Express your condolences and move on. Don't monopolize the mourners. Give others a chance to share their support.