You might think that yelling at your kids can solve a problem in the moment or can prevent them from behaving badly in the future. But research shows that it could actually be creating more issues in the long run. Yelling can actually makes your child's behavior even worse.
It's been shown to have long-term effects, like anxiety, low self-esteem, and increased aggression. It also makes children more susceptible to bullying since their understanding of healthy boundaries and self-respect are skewed.
Yes, yelling can be used as a weapon, and a dangerous one at that. Research shows that verbal abuse can, in extreme situations, be as psychologically damaging as physical abuse. But yelling can also be used as a tool, one that lets parents release a little steam and, sometimes, gets kids to listen.
Kids need some way to figure out how to filter for the important things! Often, yelling becomes an easy way to distinguish between a real command and a choice. The other reason yelling is "effective" is because we don't follow up commands to ensure kids follow through.
Being frequently yelled at as a child can even impact how we think and feel about ourselves in adulthood. In fact, being yelled at increases the activity of the amygdala in the brain. Studies show that an overactive amygdala can cause stress, which plays a significant role in developing depression.
It can make them behave badly or get physically sick. Children react to angry, stressed parents by not being able to concentrate, finding it hard to play with other children, becoming quiet and fearful or rude and aggressive, or developing sleeping problems.
Most parents yell and scream at their kids because they're frustrated. At the exact moment when you lose it, you don't feel like you have any other options. It becomes like a knee jerk reaction or a trigger being pulled. In other words, you don't think about what you're doing.
Often when we get angry at our children, it's because we haven't set a limit, and something is grating on us. The minute you start getting angry, it's a signal to do something. No, not yell. Intervene in a positive way to prevent more of whatever behavior is irritating you.
The effects of frequent verbal discipline and insults were comparable to those of physical discipline (like spanking and hitting) over the course of the two-year study. This topic has long been explored by child psychologists.
You still lose your temper. You still find yourself getting harsh with your child. Why? The short answer is that most parents haven't integrated ( i.e., healed) their own anger, and therefore anger becomes the trigger for ugly reactions.
A 2014 study in The Journal of Child Development demonstrated that yelling produces results similar to physical punishment in children: increased levels of anxiety, stress and depression along with an increase in behavioral problems.
Harsh discipline is characterized by parental attempts to control a child using verbal violence (shouting) or physical forms of punishment (pinching or hitting) [5].
Yelling doesn't generate empathy. It puts you and your child at odds with one another and makes them feel like you're not on their team. Invariably, children leave interactions where they've been yelled at feeling defiant, defensive, and disconnected from you; not open to change, receptive, and more deeply connected.
Considering Holden's previous research suggests 90 percent of parents have yelled at their kids, they weren't hard to find.
Anxiety and overwhelm
“Mom rage is often not an anger problem, but an anxiety problem,” says Palacios. For example, mom rage became more common during the COVID-19 pandemic lockdowns. Many parents had to transition to working from home — often while simultaneously homeschooling.
Types of emotional abuse
humiliating or constantly criticising a child. threatening, shouting at a child or calling them names. making the child the subject of jokes, or using sarcasm to hurt a child. blaming and scapegoating.
Abusive relationships can affect self-esteem and confidence. Survivors may often be left feeling unsafe and incapable of trusting not only others but themselves as well. Experiencing abuse may also lead survivors to practice negative self-talk, such as: “I can't.”
When this syndrome occurs, a divorced or divorcing parent seeks to punish the other parent, sometimes going far enough as to harm or deprive their children in order to make the other parent look bad. Though most commonly called Malicious Mother Syndrome, both mothers and fathers can be capable of such actions.
But screaming at someone hysterically in an emotional verbal assault is considered to be emotional abuse. Yelling as the first and only response might also ultimately be called emotionally abusive as well.