Generally speaking, a sexless marriage is defined as one where the married couple has sex 10 or fewer times per year. That said, people have very different definitions of what counts as a sexless relationship and how much sex they personally want.
But even if there's no perfect definition for a “sexless” marriage, everyone seems to agree that they're common. Newsweek estimates that about 15 to 20 percent of couples are in one, and sexless marriage is the topic of myriad new books—like Yager-Berkowitz's—and plenty of articles and columns.
Technically, a sexless relationship is defined as when a couple has sex less than once a month or less than 10 times a year, says Dr. Epstein.
Self-Esteem Issues
Where physical intimacy is lacking, this can cause self-esteem problems. If your partner shows no interest in you physically, you might feel like they're not attracted to you anymore, and this can cause you to question yourself.
Many couples experience a drop-off in sex and physical intimacy within the first few years of marriage, particularly if kids come into the picture. 1 However, the complete loss of physical intimacy that once was a part of the relationship often signals a problem that needs to be addressed.
According to one study, approximately 15 percent of married couples are sexless: Spouses haven't had sex with each other in the past six months to one year.
Marriages become sexless for a variety of reasons. Common reasons are a lack of desire, postpartum depression, frequent marital conflict, or a recent marital crisis or personal crisis that has impacted the client.
Anxiety, stress, and depression are also common sexless marriage effects on the husband. When a husband is denied sex at home for a long time, his mental health is likely to deteriorate from stress, overthinking, and inability to release the feel-good hormone from sex.
The truth is, there are plenty of adverse sexless marriage effects on women. Such effects include: Feeling a loss of emotional intimacy/connection/friendship to her partner. Low self-esteem.
So can a man live in a sexless marriage? Yes, a man can, but it will be very hard. The effects of sexless marriage on husbands can be very disturbing, to the point where they cannot take it anymore and may want separation from their partner. To know more about surviving a sexless marriage, watch this video.
There are a few common reasons why couples develop a lack of intimacy. Stress is the most common reason. Stress can come from various sources such as pressure from work, child care, and financial troubles in the family. There are several studies that show the link between stress and a decrease in sex drive.
If the reason for sexless marriage is that the partner is cheating, then this is a great sign to walk away from the relationship. In such a situation, it is difficult to feel intimate with your partner as there would be lack of trust and lots of suspicions regarding the future of the relationship involved.
There are many factors that might be affecting his sex drive—an undiagnosed medical condition, a side effect of a medication, a hormonal imbalance, stress, depression, low self-esteem, trauma, or even problems in your marriage that he hasn't brought up.
Depression, anxiety, stress, and other mental health issues are all linked to lower libido, as are some antidepressants. If your wife is struggling with any mental health issues, she may be less interested in sex at the moment.
Neglect is a major reason couples struggle to maintain intimacy. Time and energy are taken away from the relationship because of work, hobbies, children, or even other relationships. Any violation of trust will produce negative consequences in a couple's intimacy. A common example is infidelity.
She May Have Some Health Issues
Hormonal imbalances, depression, chronic illness/pain, and some medications can all contribute to low sexual desire. Women are about twice as likely to experience depression as men. Over 60% of people who experience depression report having a negative effect on their libido.
Some might avoid maintaining relationships, pull back from conflicts, or hold back from being emotionally close to the other person. Others may react intensely to situations, such as being controlling or overly critical, using guilt on their partner to express hurt, or being clingy.
So, for couples who mutually agree to focus on bonding through means other than sex. Their marriage will undoubtedly last for as long as the agreement remains. If, however, one partner decides otherwise, a compromise has to be made for divorce not to become the imminent outcome of such marriage.
If your wife won't touch you, maybe something has changed. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like she's failing at this parenting thing. Even if it is difficult, do everything you can to put yourself in her shoes.
You're less interested in spending time together: When a relationship loses its spark, you may spend more time with your friends than your partner. You may even find that you're very easily annoyed by them, causing you to punish your partner or avoid each other altogether.
Most professionals agree that a sexless marriage is one in which sex occurs less than once a month or less than ten times per year. While once a month would not technically be considered a sexless marriage by this measurement, a more important barometer is whether or not the lack of sex bothers you.