While opening up about being hurt in a previous relationship isn't necessarily a red flag — if anything, it could be a sign that your partner is emotionally intelligent and stable enough to talk about it openly — it's important to keep in mind that past traumas can still affect the present.
If your date is talking about his/her ex or if the relationship has recently ended, this is a red flag. In order to be fully present with a new partner, there needs to be completion (some call this closure), a grieving period and a time for re-establishing the "single self" before moving into a new relationship.
If you experienced a respectful, mutual parting, talking to your ex may be a healthy choice. If it was a separation due to abuse, unhealthy patterns, or painful emotions, you might consider staying apart. Because each relationship can be unique, deciding to talk to your ex can be a complex issue.
For the vast majority (over 90 percent), this communication began within a couple of months of the breakup and continued to occur at least once every couple of months. Most people didn't communicate with their ex too often, but a small subgroup—13 percent—had contact with exes several times a week.
If you share a healthy bond and have firm boundaries with your ex, being in touch with them can become a significant part of your social support, since the relationship has a certain level of shared comfort. The key is to know what your expectations and boundaries are with each other.
It's okay for a boyfriend to talk to his ex as long as he is doing it once in a while and you are not getting jealous and insecure about it. If he is talking to her behind your back and texting his ex-girlfriend frequently, then it is a reason for worry and you need to address it.
Why Do Exes Reach Out Years Later? There are several reasons why ex's reach out years later, including they are just checking up on you, they want to offer a sincere apology, or they are jealous of your happiness.
They're friends with their ex
Feeling threatened by an ex is a normal feeling — but it's not a red flag. Maybe they were friends before they started dating. Perhaps they value each other's opinions or words of advice. Or maybe they dated so long ago that every ounce of romantic connection has simply disappeared.
Feeling a mix of conflicting emotions and desires can be natural as you process a loss. In some cases, talking to your ex about your breakup may give you a sense of closure or help you establish healthy guidelines for your future relationship.
According to Jaseena, “Silent red flags in a relationship are those that are not as obvious or jarring as the generic ones like abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting. They aren't visible but are as toxic as the generic red flags.
What are major red flags? Some red flags can be sorted out with conversation and therapy. However, some should never be tolerated. Major red flags are infidelity, gaslighting, controlling behavior, angry outbursts, and physical, sexual, or emotional abuse.
Staying silent can also help you feel empowered. You're taking charge and showing your ex that you're capable of and willing to live life without them. Whether you're the one who was hurt or the one who ended it, cutting off communication after a breakup puts you in control.
It's unlikely that an ex will forget about you, even if you don't communicate with them after the breakup. Relationships tend to make an large emotional impact on both people involved, so it's likely your ex will remember you and the relationship even after the breakup.
Among people who say they have at least one living ex-romantic partner, 17% say they are friends with all of their exes, and 37% are friends with one but not all of their previous partners. The largest share of people – 44% – say they aren't friends with any of their exes.
You are not alone in wanting to be friends with your ex, and there is nothing inherently wrong with it. Exes can make for good friends who know how to support, motivate, and care for you. However, each situation is unique.
They Are Just Curious
Being curious about you, your dating life, or your life, in general, could also be a reason why your ex is texting you. This could happen a few months or years after you have broken up. It's good to be in a place where you both are curious about each other without having any attachment.
Your ex might return for various reasons. For example, they could miss you, still feel in love, or want to work on the conflicts that ended the relationship. In other cases, they might feel lonely, don't want to take responsibility for their actions or feel the breakup wasn't permanent.
Even if things did end in a less-than-ideal manner, you could still respond, especially if an apology or candid heart-to-heart was involved. This could provide you with closure, but if you're still upset over the breakup, it's perfectly acceptable to ignore it.
Inappropriate texting in a relationship can be considered cheating in a committed relationship, depending on how the couple define infidelity. Cheating can come in many different forms, such as physical or sexual affairs, emotional affairs and online affairs.
"If feelings remain or are unresolved, then it could just be a gateway back to the old relationship," Bennett says. "Many people remain friends with exes because they hope there will be another chance to date that person." If you have a bad feeling, be sure to let your partner know.