Whatever the reason, trauma dumping is not a healthy way to cope. It can damage relationships and leave both parties feeling even more hurt and alone. Emotional or trauma dumping might also occur when someone feels like they need to get the story off their chest, or they want to warn others about what happened to them.
“Trauma dumping is the unfiltered sharing of strong emotions or upsetting experiences without permission from the listener.” When someone experiences any of the many types of trauma, they often feel overwhelmed and seek relief by sharing their story.
People who trauma dump tend to have intense feelings, express emotion excessively and share indiscriminately. In some instances you could have an underlying problem such as borderline personality disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or depression that affects your behavior.
Unprocessed trauma can result in oversharing. Trauma dumping might also be a person's way of reaching out for help, or a coping mechanism for dealing with the emotions it continues to bring up in them. Is trauma dumping a form of abuse? Most of the time, trauma dumping is not purposefully abusive or manipulative.
Lastly, it's important to acknowledge that trauma bonding isn't the same as trauma dumping, which is when we overshare overly personal information with friends, family, or strangers. Being a victim of trauma bonding is a state of emergency, not oversharing.
What is trauma dumping? Many people engage in trauma dumping without realizing it, but it isn't necessarily because they are selfish or narcissistic. Judith Orloff, a psychiatrist and author of "The Empath Survival Guide," says these victims of trauma use it as a coping mechanism.
Trauma dumping is harmful, but it usually isn't done maliciously. Often, trauma dumping is a coping mechanism or an unhealthy, ineffective way of seeking emotional support. Those who engage in trauma dumping are sometimes unable or unwilling to deal with their own issues and feelings.
Trauma dumping, unlike venting, is usually unsolicited where a person “dumps” their traumatic feelings, thoughts, and experiences onto another person who may not be prepared for it. Trauma dumping is not limited to face-to-face interactions.
“Trauma dumping refers to the oversharing of difficult emotions and thoughts with others,” Dr. Prewitt explains. “It is not a clinical term used by mental health providers, but people who engage in 'trauma dumping' often share traumatic events or stressful situations with others during inappropriate times.”
Trauma dumping can be the result of living with post traumatic stress disorder, a consequence of having experienced secondary trauma, struggling with obsessive compulsive disorder, or trying to process a toxic relationship.
Focus on non-judgmental, compassionate responses which help reduce shame. You might say “I'm so sorry you had to experience that,” or “you didn't deserve that, and you deserve support now,” or “I want you to know you're not alone,” or “you did what you have to do to survive.”
There is no open feedback, no desire for a solution, and most often, a one-sided conversation. Someone who engages in emotional dumping plays the victim and is usually defensive when given advice. You feel spent, used, unappreciated, or stressed after a conversation with a friend or loved one.
While not every breakup results in PTSD, severe emotional distress following the end of a relationship can manifest in symptoms similar to this disorder.
To be clear, vulnerability is not self-serving
This means you must be thoughtful about what you share, when you share it, and why. That means: Don't overshare and dump your emotions on other people without purpose or thought. That's emotional dumping or projecting, not vulnerability.
Oversharing traumatic or difficult experiences on others in a repeated or unsolicited way can push them away. Recognizing that you might be a trauma dumper can help you learn healthy ways to cope with trauma and maintain relationships.
King also notes that over-apologizing may be present in adults experiencing prolonged trauma in partnerships. For example, with intimate partner violence, “you may feel the need to make a habit out of trying to keep the peace to experience less violence,” King explains.
But toxic venting isn't just about complaining. It's telling the same story repeatedly from a victim's point of view. This behavior fuels gossip and resentment which can make them difficult to give up. Unfortunately, some people feed off of a juicy story!
Trauma dumping is one-sided and done impulsively. Intimacy building, on the other hand, is an ongoing, mutual exchange of personal information over an extended period of time, in which both parties consent and express a willingness to learn more about the other person.
When a Trauma response is triggered, the more primitive part of the nervous system dominates. This is geared towards shutting down, protection and survival. Because it is a passive defensive response we may feel helpless or hopeless.
Trauma Dumping in Marriage
When one partner “dumps” their trauma on their spouse it can have damaging effects on the receiver emotionally and wear away the trust in a relationship. Trauma dumping is a manipulative behavior.