When someone just up and disappears, it can be really tempting to reach out. Closure is tempting. But for the most part, the experts agree: You shouldn't bother texting a ghost. “They have sent a message by not having the decency to let you know they were not interested.
Payne adds, “Your goal here shouldn't be to win them back or punish them. Don't shout, swear or try to get them to give you another chance… Don't hold out for a response or an apology; be the bigger person and realize you're better off without them.”
As far as how long to wait before moving on and assuming the ghost is officially gone, it depends. "If it is someone you recently met, it can be two weeks before it's time to move on. If it's a longer relationship, it ranges up to a month," says Douglas.
Don't chase ghosts.
Sadly, it doesn't matter what was going on for them — the simple truth is you were not high enough on their priorities to rate a call. Or even a text message. So put away your phone. Hide it from yourself if you must.
While every relationship is different, three days is enough time to consider yourself ghosted.
Closure is tempting. But for the most part, the experts agree: You shouldn't bother texting a ghost. “They have sent a message by not having the decency to let you know they were not interested. There is no need to text them.
Directly ask what's wrong
Straightforward, I know! When you think someone is ghosting you, it's best to just be up-front and ask them what's going on. Tubbs recommends a message along these lines: Hey! I noticed you haven't been as responsive lately.
Ghosting carries an echo of old rejection. It's painful because it activates—and emulates—a previous hurt or betrayal by someone we didn't just think we could trust but whom we had to trust, often during our formative years.
Soft ghosting refers to someone 'liking' your last message or latest comment on their post on platforms like Facebook and Instagram where it's possible to react to an interaction, but not actually replying and continuing the conversation. So, although they're not ignoring you, they're also offering no genuine response.
If you're wondering, “Do ghosters come back after months?” the simple answer is “Yes—sometimes.” There's no set amount of time for these disappearing people to stay out of reach before they decide to come back. Their return usually has more to do with what they want from you that they're not getting from someone else.
“Common reasons people ghost each other are not feeling a chemistry or connection and not being able to communicate that due to fear of hurting the person's feelings,” says Hannah Tishman, a licensed clinical social worker in New York City, New York.
After ghosting a partner, 65% of ghosters feel anxiety, awkwardness and guilt. This may vary from concerns of running into the ghostee in the future to simply hurting someone's feelings. “From the ghoster's perspective, choosing to ghost was a little bit nicer than a more blatant rejection approach,” Dubar said.
But did these texts prompt a response from the ghoster, or offer me any kind of closure? No, of course not! And dating experts say that although it may be tempting, it's usually best to just let a ghost rest in peace. Unfortunately, ghosting is a part of dating.
“It hurts that you disappeared on me without a word.”
Don't be afraid to share your emotions in a quick, straightforward text. If you've been in a relationship for a long time, you do deserve a goodbye. Let them know how you feel, and they might just realize ghosting you hurts more than having a break-up conversation.
Give it a few days (or even a week).
Waiting 2–3 days or up to a week before reaching out gives him a chance to text you first once he realizes what he's missing. If you've waited more than a week and still haven't heard back from him, it might be time to move on.
Popularized by the romcom, the three-day dating rule insists that a person wait three full days before contacting a potential suitor. A first-day text or call is too eager, a second-day contact seems planned, but three days is, somehow, the perfect amount of time.
Instead, it might annoy him, or he could interpret it as a sign of emotional immaturity or insecurity. If you want to know why he's been ignoring you, sending one polite but direct message and moving on if you don't get a response—or don't get the response you want—is usually best.
Some people say after 3 days, it is officially ghosting, but an increasing number of people say that's too long. If you don't hear something after 24 hours, consider yourself ghosted.
Ghosters can take days, weeks, or even months to get back to you, but there are many reasons why they might decide to come back into your life. Sometimes they do it for selfish reasons, and other times the ghosting can even be unintentional.
Ghosting takes away the opportunity to talk and process, which can allow healing. But without conversation, it can cause someone to question their worth, what they did wrong and did the person ever really like them. This can lead to trauma and other severe emotions like depression or anxiety.”