Above all, he fears rejection, a feeling so painful, that it is almost like annihilation, like being completely destroyed. So he slithers around any direct conflict. Many men suffer from some degree of this conflict-avoidant pattern. That's because guys tend to have much more difficulty in dealing with stress.
Common Fears Among Men
Being weak or being perceived as weak – one of the biggest fears for men, as they tend to believe they are not supposed to be weak or even to be perceived as such. Being irrelevant – fear and stress in wanting their lives to mean something.
Men can be afraid of being dominated, controlled, or abandoned by women. Men can be afraid of being inadequate with women.
The most common fears within relationships may include: intimacy. inadequacy. abandonment.
Men are not actually afraid of commitment, they are afraid of something else. Men require intimacy and emotional connection, much more than women. They are conditioned to suppress their feelings, and their girlfriends are often the only way they can get in touch with those parts of themselves.
They Don't Want to Go on Dates
When someone wants a relationship with you but is too scared, they'll look to spend time with you in ways that don't seem like actual dates. For instance, instead of taking the lead and asking you out for dinner and drinks, they may say, "Hey, I'm in your neighborhood.
Men may feel vulnerable when loving someone if their heart has been broken before, and they might not easily admit their feelings. They could be afraid of facing rejection from another individual, which could be a positive sign that they care about the relationship.
“Some of the most common insecurities and relationships include emotional insecurity, attachment insecurity, physical insecurity, financial insecurity, professional insecurity, and social insecurity,” explains LaTonya P. Washington, a therapist at Choosing Therapy.
Gamophobia — a fear of commitment or fear of marriage — can keep you from enjoying meaningful relationships. A painful breakup, divorce or abandonment during childhood or adulthood may make you afraid to commit to someone you love. Psychotherapy (talk therapy) can help you overcome this commitment phobia.
Watch out for the following signs in yourself that may indicate a fear of intimacy: An inability to express what you need and want from those in your life. Poor communication or avoidance of serious topics in your relationships. Trouble trusting your partner with important matters or decisions.
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”
The guy will enjoy talking to you about his day and ask about yours. He might not always reach out first, but sometimes, he will. If he never calls or texts you first and only responds when you try to initiate a conversation, it is a clear sign he is not interested in you.
Intimacy disorder, or the fear of intimacy in men, results in a person avoiding any sort of closeness or intimacy in relationships. This disorder not only leaves a negative impact on the person affected by it, but also on the other person in the relationship who might feel confused, frustrated, and hurt.
“A man will commit when he feels a deep connection with a woman that he doesn't feel with anyone else; when he finds a lover who is also his best friend that makes him feel special and unique,” Tripp says.
Men who avoid relationships often have something called an “avoidant” attachment style. These men learn early on that relationships are not safe. For them, independence and emotional distance trump intimacy and vulnerability.
"Committing" means "growing up" to some guys. And a lot of us guys don't want to grow up, or we want to delay the process of growing up as long as possible. Commitment is a sign of maturity, and some guys are simply too immature to commit, especially in their twenties.
Commitment can be a scary prospect for some men because they might fear that their partner will end up hurting them in the future. They may have been hurt by someone else before, and as a result, they want to avoid getting into another relationship where this same thing could happen again.
He loves you
This is, unfortunately, true of many men who won't commit but won't let you go. On one level, he wants independence and does not want a relationship but on the other, he is in love with you. This is the contradiction that he's dealing with.
Signs that someone has commitment issues.
Avoiding making future plans with your partner. Avoiding talking or thinking about the future of the relationship. Serious or long-term relationships are always out of the question. Lack of emotional attachment.
Not all forms fit neatly into categories either, but some of the most common types of insecurity include relationship insecurity, social insecurity, body image insecurity, job insecurity, and insecurity of basic needs.
Why do guys come on strong and then pull away? They might feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings, or are afraid of commitment. They might even think that you two are no longer compatible or have started seeing someone else.