Polyamory is a form of ethical non-monogamy that involves committed relationships between two or more people — typically romantic relationships. Essentially, being in a polyamorous relationship means that you and your partner have the option of dating other people. Polyamory is not the same as polygamy.
If you've had crushes on multiple people since you were young and have trouble choosing between them (think Devi in "Never Have I Ever"), you might be polyamorous. Many polyamorous people feel they have an infinite amount of love to give others, so it's normal to feel like you can love mutiple people at once.
Some polyamorous individuals see all their partners as equal; others may have a “primary” partner who they may live with, split bills with, or consider their emotional anchor, and then have secondary people they date and commit to, according to terms laid out between the individual and his or her primary.
Indeed, the word “polyamory” comes from the Greek root “poly,” meaning “many,” and the Latin root “amor,” meaning “love.” Quite literally, it means “many loves” — being romantically involved with multiple people at the same time.
Polyamory specifically refers to people who have multiple romantic relationships at the same time. It does not mean any type of open relationship that may include more casual sexual partners. In many polyamorous relationships, each partner is aware of the other ones.
In the vast majority of polyamorous relationships, jealousy does come up at some point. However, jealousy can be broken down to determine what your real concerns are. When you recognize what is bothering you, it is possible to manage this challenging feeling.
Polyamory is also not a type of sexual orientation or gender identity. However, people of all orientations and identities may participate in polyamorous relationships, including those who are straight, gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgender, nonbinary, or pansexual.
Some of the most common polyamory structures are: Polyfidelity. This is where the partners in a group agree not to have sexual or romantic relationships with people who are not in the group.
Polyamorous respondents reported being “very happy with life” overall, while the general population stated that they were, “pretty happy with their life.” Polyamorous people also rated their personal health significantly higher than the general population as well.
But there are serious challenges as well: Polyamorous relationships demand openness, consent, trust, communication skills, clear boundaries, and mutual respect. Feelings of jealousy may arise, especially when a new partner joins the relationship, and debates over how to raise children can also disrupt connections.
Motivations for engaging in polyamory include, among others, those related to autonomy, sexual diversity, identity development, and belonging.
A polyamorous person can cheat on their partners by ignoring agreed-upon boundaries about dating others, like not telling their partners when they have sex with new people. Hailey Gill, 26, has been polyamorous since high school and told Insider what cheating looks like in their relationships.
Other researchers like Fleckenstein and Cox found that most polyamorous people maintain two or at the most three partnerships simultaneously.
Many polyamorous arrangements involve one “primary” couple and a “secondary” partner. Primary relationships last 8 years on average, while secondary relationships make it around 5 years.
A primary partner is the person at the top of the polyamorous structure. People don't always live with their primary partner. A secondary partner or partners are someone who exist outside of your relationship with your primary partner. This may not be someone you live with, but you are emotionally committed to them.
What is a throuple? A throuple is a relationship in which all three people are involved with each other intimately. They don't always live together, as is the case with the relationship featured in "House Hunters," but are all committed to each other in a meaningful way.
These unconventional relationships can be incredibly fulfilling—but they also have rules, just like monogamous relationships do. From agreeing on who to date, to practicing safe sex, polyamorous people set all kinds of rules to ensure their relationships are loving, healthy, and supportive.
Maintaining high levels of emotional and sexual intimacy.
A survey of 340 polyamorous adults shows their polyam relationships lasting an average of eight years. The most typical polyam relationship involves a primary committed couple, with each member free to explore other relationships.
It's clear that more and more people are rejecting social conventions around love and relationships and embodying a more fluid approach to dating – and that includes openly polyamorous celebs like Willow Smith and Bella Thorne, as well as rumoured polyamorous celebs like Rita Ora, Taika Waititi and Tessa Thompson.
Lack of agreement over time can lead to feelings of neglect and the ending of a relationship. Spending quality, meaningful, intentional and dedicated time nurturing a relationship is essential if it is to be successful. Broken promises around time seem to be the number one difficulty in poly relationships.
Polyamory is, in short, consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy. This goes directly against the idea of cheating. Cheating is non-consensual, in that the person being cheated on did not consent to non-monogamy, and is unable to make informed decisions about their sexual and emotional health.