People with quiet BPD might seem high functioning on the outside. Still, on the inside, they are often dealing with extreme bouts of shame, self-loathing, fears of abandonment, mood swings, obsessive emotional attachment to others, and many more debilitating symptoms.
“This can look like poor self-image and excessive self-criticism, feelings of emptiness and instability in goals, values and opinions.” Individuals living with quiet BPD may have decreased levels of empathy, high conflict relationships, clinginess and fear of abandonment, adds Dr. Lira de la Rosa.
This subtype is often hard to spot. If you have quiet BPD, you direct moods and behaviors inward, so other people don't see. Your emotions and behaviors may feel like a roller coaster with many ups and downs. You may have difficulty in your relationships due to fear of abandonment.
Common signs of low-functioning BPD include: Suicidal ideation. Self-harming. Impulsive and dangerous behaviors, like using drugs or having unprotected sex.
Rather than lashing out, they usually turn anger inward. They may also be socially anxious, assume everything is their fault and feel like they are a burden to others. Just like people with 'classic' BPD, they also suffer from fear of abandonment, black-or-white thinking, mood swings, and urges to self-harm.”
Some people with quiet BPD can hide their condition and appear successful, independent, and overall high functioning. You might be able to hold a job during the day, but crash into a depressive, anxious, or dissociative state when the day is over. Think of quiet BPD as a mask.
High-Functioning BPD Symptoms
Those experiencing high-functioning BPD often alternate between pushing people away and pulling them in closer, and may similarly fall into patterns of idealizing and then devaluing others. They tend to exhibit quick switches in emotions, such as going from very happy to very irritated.
The 3 C's are: I didn't cause it. I can't cure it. I can't control it.
So, what exactly does the BPD break up cycle look like? It can look like fear of abandonment, distrust of a partner, cheating, lack of communication and self-blame. It can look like idolizing a partner, confusing strong emotions for passion, anxiety and overreacting to interactions perceived as negative.
Identifying Episodes
Intense angry outbursts. Suicidal thoughts and self-harm behavior. Going to great lengths to feel something, then becoming increasingly avoidant and withdrawn. Paranoia, feeling as if there is someone out to get you.
Compared to non-patients, BPD patients showed the anticipated higher crying frequency despite a similar crying proneness and ways of dealing with tears. They also reported less awareness of the influence of crying on others.
People with borderline personality disorder who internalize often aim to hide how much pain and sadness they are in. This maladaptive coping mechanism can cause them to spiral emotionally, leaving them to feel like they don't fit in, belong, or have meaningful connections to the outside world.
Mirroring can be a form of Dissociation, where a person's strong feelings create “facts” which are less than true. A man switches accents to mimic a colleague. A woman wears identical clothing to her friend. A mother wears her daughter's clothing.
For someone with quiet borderline personality disorder, while they still experience these intense emotions, they tend to do so internally. This can cause them to lash out at themselves. When someone has quiet borderline personality disorder, it can be something that other people do not necessarily notice.
People with BPD often engage in self-sabotaging behavior. This can include: Oversharing.
A fear of abandonment is central to BPD. That can present obvious problems in a relationship, especially when you're just getting to know someone and have no idea where things are heading. Unfortunately, intense fear can lead to your partner being clingy or making unreasonable demands on your time.
A person with BPD typically has an unstable self-identity. Sometimes, lies help them bridge the gap between their true identity and the one they've adopted for the time being.
There's also a lot of anecdotal evidence from other people's experiences that suggest 2-4 years is more common. So, if you want to know how long your relationships might last if you have BPD, it really does depend on the intensity of your condition.
BPD Triggers Loneliness and Isolation
It may spring from your fear of being rejected or abandoned. This fear can make you feel lonely, even when you have a partner or loving family. Also typical with borderline personality is co-occurring mental illness. One of the most common is depression.
One of the most common misdiagnoses for BPD is bipolar disorder. Both conditions have episodes of mood instability. When you have bipolar disorder, your mood may shift from depression to mania, in which you experience elation, elevated energy levels and a decreased need for sleep.
People with BPD score low on cognitive empathy but high on emotional empathy. This suggests that they do not easily understand other peoples' perspectives, but their own emotions are very sensitive. This is important because it could align BPD with other neurodiverse conditions.
For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation. The relationship with a BPD favorite person may start healthy, but it can often turn into a toxic love-hate cycle known as idealization and devaluation.
Together, they may be conceptualized as boredom reactivity: some individuals (e.g., those with BPD) are likely more sensitive to boredom cues, experience boredom more strongly or with less dependence upon environmental cues, for a longer duration, and in a more consuming, aversive, or overwhelming way.
Many people with untreated BPD also experience unstable or chaotic personal relationships and have trouble keeping a job. They have an increased risk of divorce, estrangement from family members and rocky friendships. Legal and financial problems are also common.