Even ifyou were the one who initiated the split, there are five stages ofgrief that you will go through. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, according to Mental-Health-Matters. These are the natural ways for your heart to heal.
The stages in her model were: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. The seven stages of grief include the five stages Dr. Kubler-Ross outlined but also include guilt, an upward turn, and reconstruction.
Stage 4: Acceptance
This final stage of a breakup is where “you can objectively see the relationship and breakup for what it was and keep the good parts and discard the rest,” Elliott says. Peacock adds: “This is accepting the break-up and moving forward with single life.
“Denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance don't occur in order and don't last for a set amount of time. Someone could move in and out of different stages in a matter or minutes, days or months.
Despite a lingering stereotype that men are less emotionally invested in relationships than women, researchers have discovered that it's men, in fact, who suffer the greater emotional impact during a breakup.
Stage 1: Shock
The shock of a breakup is all about pain, disorganization, and confusion, Gullick tells mbg. You may try to rationalize it and feel an immense need to understand what went wrong. "Often, it's bewildering," she says.
The likelihood of a breakup jumps down as the second and again the third years of a relationship pass. But the fourth year of a couple's life is just as likely as the third to end in departure. It's only after a couple reaches the 5th year of their relationship that the likelihood of break up falls sharply.
“In order for a breakup to be healthy, you've got to have space to process your emotions–both with the other person and even more importantly, with yourself. Explore what you're feeling and why. Ask yourself questions. And most importantly, don't judge yourself or your feelings.”
It is believed that unlike women, men are more likely to shield their feelings from friends, family and society in general. Because of this inclination to hibernate from the world, male psychology after breakup might divert him to spend most nights in and blow off any opportunity to socialize with the outside world.
Therefore, a broken heart feels so difficult and painful to deal with. The person often withdraws in their shell and is pushed into depression. A person with a broken heart often has episodes of sobbing, rage, and despair. They may not eat or sleep for days and may also neglect their personal hygiene.
Practice the three C's
As you build a plan, consider the “three Cs”: choose, connect, communicate. Choose: Choose what's best for you. Even during dark bouts of grief, you still possess the dignity of choice. “Grief often brings the sense of loss of control,” said Julie.
Grief can cause a variety of effects on the body including increased inflammation,8 joint pain, headaches, and digestive problems. It can also lower your immunity, making you more susceptible to illness. Grief also can contribute to cardiovascular problems, difficulty sleeping, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
The pain is caused by the overwhelming amount of stress hormones being released during the grieving process. These effectively stun the muscles they contact. Stress hormones act on the body in a similar way to broken heart syndrome.
The death of a future you imagined for yourself with your ex, one that you probably imagined together, can be one of the most difficult things to come to terms with after a break-up. It makes your present that much harder to get through (see above). It's OK to mourn and grieve the loss of that future.
December might be a time for joy and goodwill – but it's also the most popular time for couples to break up.
In that time, I've noticed something: the prime number years of relationships are often the hardest (i.e. 1, 3. 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29…) Often, it seems these years correspond with significant transitions and pressure points in marriage.
Some data (such as from self-reported surveys) do suggest that men recover from breakups faster than women, according to Paul Hokemeyer, PhD, a marriage and family therapist and author of the book Fragile Power: Why Having Everything Is Never Enough.
01/7Unrequited love is worse than a break up
If getting over a break-up is not easy, to overcome the pain of being in love with a person who never understood your feelings is even worse.