Some research suggests that loneliness can increase stress. It's also associated with an increased risk of certain mental health problems. For example, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and sleep problems.
When someone doesn't have friends it's almost never because their core personality is unlikable. It's usually due to a mix of interfering factors such as: They're not knowledgeable about the skills for making friends. They're too shy, socially anxious, insecure, or unconfident to pursue friendships.
Jessica Harrison, a licensed professional counselor and owner of Courageous Counseling and Consulting, says a lack of long-term friendships is a major red flag. "It shows that they have not been committed to growing in relationships, which takes time and effort on both friends' part," says Harrison.
People who are uncomfortable with others or prefer to be alone may have a hard time maintaining friendships. Personality issues such as being pushy, too talkative, or controlling can be off-putting to others. Talking to an objective third party such as a therapist can help reveal issues that interfere with friendships.
There's no “right” number of friends you should have, but research says most people have between 3 and 5 close friends. Friendship is necessary, but it can feel challenging to find people who really “get” you. What's more, what you need from your friends might change as your life circumstances change.
Why Is it Actually Hard to Make Friends in Adulthood? Research shows that the most common reason why people struggle to connect with others is due to a lack of trust. It's harder than ever for people to find friends that they can fully invest in emotionally and mentally.
Research tells us that, for both men and women, the age of 25 is when most of us start losing friends. “Suddenly, your friends disappear, or you all start taking new life directions as you graduate from college,” Jackson says. “You adopt new values.
Survey suggest that having few or no friends is not uncommon. Millennials are most likely to report having no friends, and those numbers may be growing as a result of social media, internet use, and world events.
According to “The Friendship Report,” a global study commissioned by Snapchat in 2019, the average age at which we meet our best friends is 21—a stage when we're not only bonding over formative new experiences such as first love and first heartbreak, but also growing more discerning about whom we befriend.
Dunbar says it takes so long to create a true friendship because you're looking for seven pillars of friendship—similarities in the following dimensions: the way you speak (dialect), hobbies and interests, religious views, moral views, sense of humor, musical taste and career trajectory.
Often getting left out can result from simple miscommunications: Maybe your friends thought you were too busy with your job to go shopping on a weekday. Perhaps you accidentally texted them the wrong date or time for an event, and they planned something else without you.
A lot of mental illnesses like bipolar, anxiety and depression can all make people feel very lonely. Mental illness can make you anxious about seeing others, so you might spend more time indoors. Or it can lead to insomnia, which in turn can make you tired, irritable and lonely.
A different way of categorizing friendship is by applying “The Three C's”. There are three basic types of people with whom you interact: Constituents, Comrades, and Confidants.
The four factors that are most effective in initial verbal contacts are confidence, creativity, caring and consideration — otherwise known as the Four Cs.
Though every bond evolves in its own way, I have come to believe that there are six forces that help form friendships and maintain them through the years: accumulation, attention, intention, ritual, imagination, and grace.
Starting new relationships when you're over 40 can be difficult, but joining a class or volunteering can make it easier. Making friends can be relatively easy when you're young. School, college, and extramural groups provide several opportunities to make new friends.
Experts suggest seeing your friends at least once a week, if not more! Having good friends not only increases life expectancy but it also reduces stress and depression and can have a good influence on your health too.
As we age, our friend circles become smaller and smaller. Some friends grow apart, others lose touch and often, it's just a matter of growing up. Therapist and friendship researcher Miriam Kirmayer, says over time, it gets harder for adults to form meaningful friendships.
"As we become adults, we have less and less environments where those ingredients are at play." Adults with jobs, kids, and a collection of other responsibilities also simply have less time available for making friends.