People with overt narcissism are typically extroverted, bold, and attention-seeking. They may become aggressive or violent if a person or situation challenges their sense of status. The covert subtype is less obvious. A person with covert narcissism may come across as shy, withdrawn, or self-deprecating.
Signs of overt narcissism
These individuals will be more outgoing, exploitative, and controlling, says Vermani. “They will have an exaggerated self-image and a constant need to be praised and admired,” she says. They may come off as entitled, rude, dismissive, arrogant, and overbearing.
Their actions reflect grandiose beliefs of superiority and uniqueness as well as their need for admiration and worship.” For example, “they exploit or take advantage of people for personal gain…, pit people against each other to get what they want…, manipulate others by influencing emotions, [redefine] reality by ...
In other relationships, such as those with partners, parents, siblings, or other family members, covert narcissists might do any of the following: Display a lack of empathy for the feelings, thoughts, and needs of others. Use guilt trips and shame to control others. Expect others to care for them or solve their ...
As noted earlier, the best way to deal with a narcissist is to respond to them as little as possible. Ignoring their bait can help starve a narcissist of the attention they seek. Take a deep breath, pause, and control your curiosity to avoid giving them the satisfaction that they have control over you.
Essentially, the question “how does a narcissist react when they can't control you” has many examples depending on the type of narcissist. So, the covert narcissist will blame everyone else and become highly defensive. On the flip side, an overt narcissist might become exploitative but the antagonistic one will fight.
Rejection
Rejection causes major narcissistic injury and is one of the top 10 things narcissists fear the most. They can't handle it, even if it's a tiny slight. Remember, they have a sense of entitlement and pride themselves on being the ones who reject and discard their victims.
#2 Low self-esteem and extreme sensitivity to criticism
Narcissistic people have an overinflated belief that they are better than everyone else, but deep down, they may suffer from extremely low self-worth. Covert narcissists are highly sensitive to constructive criticism yet tend to be hypercritical of other people.
Overt narcissists, in contrast, are quite happy, and their happiness is better explained by their levels of self-esteem than by their levels of self-deception.
Use Self-Deprecating Tactics
Among many other things covert narcissists do, a hallmark of their eccentricity is using false humility or self-deprecating comments to garner people's attention and seek validation. They trivialize their skills and accomplishments, so people reassure them or shower them with praise.
The overt narcissist is more obvious and you can better protect yourself; whereas, the covert narcissist is more passive in their control and manipulation. The covert narcissist can be more difficult to spot because they aren't loud and, in your face, and this might make them worse.
It is possible for people to change, even if they've been diagnosed with a personality disorder. For a narcissist, change means opening up again to the very feelings they've learned to avoid at all costs.
More specifically though, the Three Faces of Narcissism consist of three variations on the narcissist theme: 1) Prosocial Narcissism (charitable, albeit sublime), 2) Asocial Narcissism (lack of consideration of others), and 3) Antisocial Narcissism (malevolent actions against others).
The general theory is that narcissists attract empaths and codependents. The covert narcissist will “go for an enabler, who has their own psychological needs, low self-esteem, and is kind of blind to what's going on,” says Slade.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
Tease, ridicule, and shame them mercilessly for not trying to figure out right from wrong, instead, pretending to have it all figured out. Stay calm, even friendly, to the person cowering inside their absolute narcissistic fake infallibility cloak. Stay light, even humorous. It's nothing personal.
The four stages of the narcissistic abuse cycle are: Idealization, Devaluation, Repetition, and Discard. In this cycle, a narcissistic partner may love-bomb you, devalue your sense of self over time, repeat the pattern, and eventually, discard you and/or the relationship.
Covert Narcissism in Relationships. While covert narcissists can be difficult to spot initially, their traits will eventually become apparent in every relationship. They will always have an excessive need for reassurance, use manipulation for control, and seek to establish control over another person.
However, the first clue that you may be in a relationship with a covert narcissist might be how you feel when you are with them. A covert narcissist may intentionally try to make you feel guilty, inferior, and unsure of yourself. If they're using gaslighting tactics on you, you might even question your own reality.
The classic silent treatment. Often, the covert narcissist will feel great frustration, but instead of speaking directly with you about it, they will punish you with silence or withdrawal. The goal is to create awkward feelings inside you. They can refuse to look at you.
“As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey.