Relationship insecurity means you're unsure and unconfident about your relationship. It's a deep belief that you just aren't good enough for your partner, that you don't deserve love or one of many other limiting beliefs that cause you to feel anxious. You may doubt your own value and have a low sense of self-worth.
“Some of the most common insecurities and relationships include emotional insecurity, attachment insecurity, physical insecurity, financial insecurity, professional insecurity, and social insecurity,” explains LaTonya P.
Even a small relationship setback can trigger intense fear and insecurity. It can be common for someone with low self-esteem to experience relationship insecurity because they don't believe they're worthy of love. Or perhaps they've been teased, bullied, or the victim of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.
Not all forms fit neatly into categories either, but some of the most common types of insecurity include relationship insecurity, social insecurity, body image insecurity, job insecurity, and insecurity of basic needs.
The fear of being socially judged is one of the most common forms of insecurity. Some people feel self-conscious, anxious, and fearful when in front of others. It doesn't matter whether it's a group of colleagues or family members. This can extend to even the smallest of social encounters like a date.
Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.
Insecurity is good to some extent because it makes you work harder in the relationship and value your partner more. If there's too much insecurity though, it can create a toxic atmosphere in the relationship and can wreak havoc on your confidence. It can even separate partners who love and care for each other.
Jealousy may be driven by low self-esteem or a poor self-image. If you don't feel attractive and confident, it can be hard to truly believe that your partner loves and values you. Other times, jealousy can be caused by unrealistic expectations about the relationship.
Overthinking may occur when people feel insecure, battle with low self-esteem, and experience difficulty letting go of negative interactions.
They frequently try to change the direction of projects and meetings. They put other people down to make themselves look more important. They constantly talk about how busy they are (when they're actually not) to show that they are in demand. They are paranoid meddlers who make you question your every move.
A person who looks in the mirror and suffers to do it, is beautifully insecure. Yet, people who rarely look in the mirror and who are indifferent to their impact on others because they believe they are perfect in the relationship, may be insecure in a pathological way.
High stress, relationship problems, exhaustion, and illness can all increase a person's feelings of neediness and/or needy behaviors. Some people tend to exhibit characteristics of neediness more than others, and in these people, the term might be used to describe their personality.
Everybody deals with insecurity from time to time. It can appear in all areas of life and come from a variety of causes. It might stem from a traumatic event, patterns of previous experience, social conditioning (learning rules by observing others), or local environments such as school, work, or home.
The kind of childhood you had, past traumas, recent experiences of failure or rejection, loneliness, social anxiety, negative beliefs about yourself, perfectionism, or having a critical parent or partner can all contribute to insecurity.
Someone who is insecure may constantly try to show they are smart by pointing out flaws in other people's opinions. If someone says the sky is blue, the insecure person will not only state that it is green but will reference scientific data to prove they are right and everyone else is wrong.
There is no one cause of insecurity; many factors can lead to the condition. Insecurity may stem from a traumatic event, crisis such as divorce or bankruptcy, or a loss. It can also result from one's environment, as unpredictability or upset in daily life can cause anxiety and insecurity about ordinary, routine events.
Another relationship red flag is if your partner makes you feel insecure in any way. They might leave things between both of you really uncertain, where it's hard to know where you stand. Or they may make you feel uncomfortable or anxious by using sarcasm, gaslighting or belittling you in a joking way.