1. Lack of intimacy and sex. In my practice, this issue has been the number one cause of divorce, or couples filing for divorce.
It is no surprise, then, that marital infidelity is a leading cause of divorce. Just how common is marital infidelity? According to a study from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, as many as 25 percent of married men and 15 percent of married women have had extramarital affairs.
The Four Horsemen are four communication habits that increase the likelihood of divorce, according to research by psychologist and renowned marriage researcher John Gottman, Ph. D. Those four behaviors are criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt.
A study led by the American Sociological Association determined that nearly 70% of divorces are initiated by women. And the percentage of college-educated American women who initiated divorce is even higher.
Killer #1: Over Familiarity
This is the most common killer and is present in every single marriage that is not doing well. It is present even when couples think, "everything is fine."
Very often, many have found that they have invested too much trust in a relationship, all for it to go to waste. Lack of trust kills love. There are some old wounds that never really heal. It could stem from the hurt of betrayal or disappointment or resentment.
The biggest thing couples do to kill intimacy in marriage is failing to schedule time for it. Sometimes couples don't recognize the need to build space for intimate moments in their lives. There seems to be an expectation that romance and desire should happen naturally.
According to relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW, as it turns out, the first year really is the hardest—even if you've already lived together. In fact, it often doesn't matter if you've been together for multiple years, the start of married life is still tricky.
What does it mean when the spark is gone? Sometimes a couple can lose its spark as a relationship. This could be due to several reasons: a dissipated sex life, you're no longer talking, you're not spending enough time together, and you don't make an effort to go out with friends or do anything fun anymore.
One of the top reasons why relationships fail is when you just feel that you no longer care about your spouse anymore. It's not that you're in love with someone else or you hate the person, it's either you've been feeling fed up or you just fell out of love.
Talking with your spouse is one of the best ways to keep your marriage healthy and successful. Be honest about what you're feeling, but be kind and respectful when you communicate. Part of good communication is being a good listener and taking the time to understand what it is your spouse wants and needs from you.
Most marriages go through at least three distinct stages: 1) romantic love, 2) disillusionment and distraction, and 3) dissolution, adjustment with resignation, or adjustment with contentment (Larson, 2003). Stage 1 typically occurs prior to marriage and within the first several years after couples tie the knot.
Gottman and Silver have identified the four destroyers to a good relationship. They call them the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. So dangerous to a healthy, loving relationship are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
Rage, disrespect, and emotional stonewalling may not be relationship-ending in and of themselves, but continuing patterns can wear people down. An inability or unwillingness to respect your partner's thoughts, beliefs, and feelings can destroy the trust and intimacy in any relationship.
Relationship Destroyer #1: Keeping Your Attention on What's Wrong. Many people habitually keep their attention on everything negative that their partner does. By focusing on what's wrong, we create thinking habits that generate a sense of unrest and dissatisfaction within ourselves and the relationship.
Communication style is the #1 thing divorced individuals said they would change in the next relationship. Establish a 10-minute rule. Every day, for 10 minutes, talk alone about something other than work, the family and children, the household, the relationship.
While there are countless divorce studies with conflicting statistics, the data points to two periods during a marriage when divorces are most common: years 1 – 2 and years 5 – 8. Of those two high-risk periods, there are two years in particular that stand out as the most common years for divorce — years 7 and 8.
According to a 2013 study conducted by researchers at London's Kingston University, the majority of women were significantly happier than they'd ever been after divorce. The study surveyed 10,000 men and women over the course of two decades.
In the survey participants were asked to rate their happiness before and after their divorce. During a 20 year period, researchers found that women were happier and more satisfied with their lives after divorce.
Usually, it seems as though the woman is the one who gets the better end of the deal. While many men are quick to say that their ex-wives took everything, including the dog—or that is what many country songs lead you to believe, anyway—the truth is that women often fare worse in a divorce.