"Another reason someone might attract someone emotionally unavailable is because they have low self-esteem. For whatever reason (body image issues, experience of being bullied, job instability, addiction, or mental health issues), they may not believe they are worthy of love and commitment," she says.
Emotionally unavailable partners often choose physical intimacy over emotional intimacy so as to not have to deal with the messiness, seriousness, or complications that emotions can bring into a relationship.
The “aloofness factor”—looking desirable, in control, and yet, not being fully present—that unavailable men carry leaves the observer (typically a woman) feeling she has discovered an exotic jewel of wonder, and it leaves her wanting to come closer and to know more about him. 2. They provide intermittent reinforcement.
The main trait that both emotionally unavailable men and women share is their fear of being controlled, especially in a relationship. For men in particular, a consuming fear is “losing” themselves in a relationship.
An emotionally unavailable man can fall in love, but it would take longer than someone who has their emotions in check. The reason is not far-fetched because he wants to be sure that he's not committing his emotions into the hands of someone that would break his trust.
An emotionally unavailable man usually can't be bothered to remember the little things since they're not invested in the relationship. But once he falls in love, it'll be impossible for him to forget you—the color of your eyes, your favorite things, the way you take your coffee, and more.
An Emotionally unavailable person often has a fear or a blockage to emotional intimacy, leaving the other person feeling like they are grasping for more, left feeling misunderstood, emotionally unsatisfied and confused.
Jealousy is about a lot of things, including insecurity, immaturity, and fear. Emotionally unavailable men may experience jealousy more intensely because they bottle up their feelings.
They go from hot to cold
People who are emotionally unavailable tend to confuse their partners with their inconsistent behavior. They vacillate between being very hot and into the relationship one second, only to go totally cold the next. This can feel uncomfortable and scary.
Most of the time no contact with an emotionally unavailable man or woman works because it gives them the space and the time they need to think about themselves and their relationship. Often dumpers do come back because they have had the time to reflect on their actions and emotions.
They avoid commitment
Fear of commitment and fear of getting too close are two common signs of emotional unavailability in men and women. Emotionally unavailable partners might prefer having casual relationships with multiple people or may end relationships if things are getting “too serious.”
An emotionally unavailable man will also love the fact that you don't seem emotionally invested in him—after all, you're spending time with friends and pursuing your own interests. You don't need to call or text him to tell him what you've been up to—just post pictures or updates on your social media for him to see.
Emotionally unavailable people expect closeness, intimacy, and emotional vulnerability to lead to getting hurt, so they often avoid getting emotional entirely. Your efforts to elicit emotions from them may lead them to pull away or redirect conversations back to you.
A need to chase after people who can't actually love tends to stem from unresolved childhood issues, or even trauma. Self-help is a good start, and there are wonderful books out there to help with things like codependency and attachment issues.
Traumatic childhood experiences or traumas from a past relationship can often prevent people from being emotionally available. Additionally, certain mental health issues can also prevent people from being able to express and process their emotions.
Both Neblett and Gatling agree that if you address someone's emotional unavailability, express how it's affecting you and lead with "I" statements. It's also important to have clear examples of why you think they're emotionally unavailable so that they don't feel ambushed, Neblett emphasizes.
Another factor that makes a man emotionally attached is when you become vulnerable with them. This subtly nudges the guy to become vulnerable, making him emotionally attached in the long run. Also, another answer to what makes men emotionally attached is when you show gratitude.
In plain language: Men often feel most loved by the women in their lives when their partners hug them, kiss them, smile at them, and explicitly offer gratitude, praise, and words of affection. Men also feel loved and connected through sexuality, often to a greater degree than women do.
Physical attraction, sexual compatibility, empathy, and emotional connection are key to making a man fall in love with a woman.
Men fall in love with women whom they are afraid to lose. Men fall in love with women who respect themselves and demand respect from a man. A man can smell, from a mile away, a woman who is lacking in self-respect. Men fall in love with women who are happy with themselves.