Men who struggle with abandonment issues – such as attaching too fast or too soon, constantly fearing rejection and abandonment, or struggling with anger that sabotages relational intimacy – are often wounded in their relationships with their parents.
Partners with abandonment issues may act withdrawn or jealous. This could make you feel as though you're doing something to hurt them. They may even try to blame you outright. But people with abandonment issues aren't reacting to anything that you did.
Abandonment issues usually come to the surface when a “timid man” is already in a relationship. There is usually some triggering event or experience that “sounds the alarm” within him, telling him that he is at risk of being rejected and left all alone.
Abandonment issues may stem from abuse, neglect or psychosocial stress experienced during childhood, such as divorce, death or illness. These traumatic experiences may have a significant effect on brain development and lead to psychiatric symptoms, such as depression and substance abuse disorders, later in life.
When a mother neglects a son emotionally, he may suffer “insecure attachment” issues involving avoidance of close relationships, general fearfulness of being abandoned (again) and reduced ability to experience genuine happiness in relationships.
If your feelings are hurt, you feel betrayed, abandoned, or rejected, and your partner doesnt care or minimizes them, thats a red flag. You should also be wary if you notice a pattern of lying or half-truths about other issues.
Symptoms of Fear of Abandonment
In relationships, people with a fear of abandonment tend to: Attach quickly—even to unavailable partners or relationships.
An abandonment trigger is anything that sparks an intense emotional reaction relating to your experience of abandonment. Abandonment triggers can be very specific to your particular experiences, but these are a few triggers that are common among many people with abandonment experiences: Rejection. Cheating.
In the context of a marriage, the feelings of neglect, being left out, and not being heard are collectively referred to as emotional abandonment. It occurs when one partner is so preoccupied with their own concerns that they are unable to notice the struggles, concerns, or problems their partner is experiencing.
People with abandonment issues and lower self-confidence are more likely to cheat. This is obviously not a healthy way of dealing with fear of abandonment. It is harmful to the person who is being cheated on and also is mental torment for the person trying to manage and keep both relationships afloat.
An anxious attachment style may manifest in fear of abandonment and a need for validation and constant reassurance from your loved one. It's typically caused by an unpredictable primary caregiver when you were a child.
“Symptoms of abandonment trauma can include extreme insecurity or anxiety within a relationship, obsessive or intrusive thoughts of being abandoned, and also debilitating self-esteem or self regard.” When children feel abandoned, it can leave them feeling frightened and unsafe.
Shattering, Withdrawal, Internalizing, Rage, and Lifting. Each of these stages relate to different aspects of human functioning and trigger different emotional responses. The first letter of each of these words spell SWIRL, a great description of the cyclonic nature of the intensity of healing abandonment.
The natural folds in abandonment's grief process fall into five universal stages: Shattering, Withdrawal, Internalizing, Rage, and Lifting. These stages overlap one another as part of one inexorable process of grief and recovery.
Someone with abandonment anxiety may feel insecure and might struggle to believe that they deserve to be loved. Sometimes, their abandonment fear may be so overwhelming that they choose to end a relationship to avoid being hurt.
PTSD of abandonment stems from losses and disconnections in early childhood, such as: A parent who is emotionally unavailable. Childhood neglect due to substance abuse, such as alcoholism or drug abuse. Mental illness, such as depression, in a parent or caregiver.
It can be hard for someone with abandonment issues to work past their fear of rejection, even when they're in a supportive and loving relationship. At times, it may feel like your partner is constantly doubting your feelings or looking for proof that you don't really care.
Abandonment issues are closely linked to insecure attachment styles which are characterized by difficulty forming close, stable relationships with others. Some people with abandonment issues tend to push people away, remain overly guarded, and avoid opening up, while others become needy and codependent.
Many self-sabotaging cycles are trauma responses and patterns learned earlier in life as self-preservation. A fear of abandonment is really a fear of intimacy and connection. To change these patterns, we need to be willing to unlearn patterns of self-preservation while learning patterns of self-healing.
Abandonment can cause deep attachment wounds, significantly affecting many aspects of life including our subsequent relationships. Studies also show that experiences of abandonment, particularly in childhood, are correlated with poor mental health later in life. But it is possible to heal from abandonment issues.
The need to feel loved and the fear of the being abandoned can lead to these toxic relationships lasting far longer than they should. It can be difficult to trust people when you've been let down in the past, even when that let down was accidental or non-intentional, the feelings that result are the same.
The studies suggest mommy issues may be linked with insecure attachment styles. Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style [3]: Becoming distant and detached in a romantic relationship are primary characteristics of a fearful-avoidant attachment style. Men with this attachment style frequently have commitment issues.