Communicating with empathy, using “I” statements, and avoiding blaming and criticism are some of the ways to help avoidant partners feel safe enough to express their thoughts and feelings, as well as change their behaviors in time. “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.”
Those with Avoidant attachment are likely to need a lot of emotional space and independence, and might be uncomfortable with strong displays of emotion or conflict (think of these like cats - a bit standoffish and aloof).
They disregard or ignore their children's needs, and can be especially rejecting when their child is hurt or sick. These parents also discourage crying and encourage premature independence in their children.
This response isn't to suggest that avoidant attachers don't feel the pain of a breakup – they do. They're just prone to pushing down their heartbreak and attempting to carry on with life as normal.
Even with all the support in the world, someone with an avoidant attachment style will still need personal space from time to time. This is because avoidant attachers are driven towards independent experiences, but this doesn't mean that they don't equally value their time with their partners.
If an avoidant starts pulling away, let them know that you care but do not chase them. It may be very painful to do this, but pursuing them is likely to make it take longer for them to come back. They need breathing space, to feel safe with their own thoughts and unengulfed.
Avoidants tend to not want to give anything or anybody their time or their energy. If it doesn't serve them any purpose, they won't do it. So if they are with you and they are giving you their time, that is a really good indication that they care about you and they are putting you as a priority.
Texting infrequently or not at all is the default mode of existence for dismissive avoidants who value independence more than connection. They'll rarely make attempts to reach out. They don't have the same connection needs as people with other attachment styles.
One possibility for being attracted to an avoidantly attached person is that you are used to that type of person. Hypothetically, you could also identify with someone with an avoidant attachment, and are used to having others around you who are more independent and get your own needs met.
This is the #1 characteristic of someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style. They don't want to depend on you and they don't want you to depend on them. They want their freedom and independence and want (or at least think that they want) you to be the same way. A tendency to avoid displays of feelings.
Do avoidants fall in love? Here's the thing: Avoidant individuals need (and want) closeness and love just like the rest of us. Research shows that avoidant children are distressed by the separation from their caregiver even though they don't show this with their behavior.
Although an avoidant may not be comfortable with affection, they still might want to be intimate. In fact, when an avoidant loves someone, they're much more able to get physically close to them. So, if you enjoy a satisfying sex life with your avoidant, it could be a sign that they're in love with you.
Intense attention is among the primary avoidant attachment signs. As time passes, they suddenly become uncomfortable with all the attention and romance. The feeling becomes cringy and suffocating for them. On top of that, the love avoidant individuals also tend to overthink relationship matters.
Avoidant individuals may gravitate towards Acts of Service or Quality Time as their primary love languages, as these gestures offer connection without excessive emotional vulnerability.
They're always looking for the red flags, and they will find them, so when you go no contact with the dismissive avoidant, don't expect them to reach out to you. They won't text you because likely when you were in a relationship with them, you were the one to initiate most of the contact.
Avoidants will shut down if they feel like you're rushing them. Let your partner take the lead in the relationship so things progress at their pace. It might feel like you're going nowhere sometimes, but your partner will slowly grow more comfortable in your relationship. They just need to be sure you won't leave.
Vulnerability is one of the biggest triggers for a dismissive-avoidant due to childhood wounds. Dismissive-avoidants value independence. Any need to rely on someone else triggers a sense of weakness. Fear of being trapped and controlled by someone else.
If you feel that your avoidant partner isn't recognizing your love or reciprocating your efforts, it's time to leave. While you might feel emotions like sadness, anger, fear, or grief, this is all part of the healing process. Allow yourself to feel the painful feelings of your breakup.
A person with an avoidant attachment style tends to be emotionally unavailable because they are fearful of opening up to others. This can result in mixed signals, because while the person may claim to want a relationship, they can be quite distant, and they may reject your attempts to connect with them.
Studies have found that avoidant attachers are less likely to date or seek relationships. In other words, they are more prone to having smaller social circles and, thus, may stay single for longer periods of time. Avoidant attachers are thus more susceptible to social loneliness and isolation.
Avoidant people tend to be playing hard-to-get, and anxious people tend to pursue them."