Loving someone with fearful attachment style means helping them see and understand their underlying issues and, if needed, getting professional support. Ultimately, it's their journey and commitment to understanding themselves, but you can love them by being there and being supportive, says Saxena.
A fearful-avoidant person may not know how to feel about their relationships with friends and romantic partners. They often crave a relationship but are fearful of getting hurt. Once it becomes too intimate or emotional, they will likely withdraw or end the relationship.
The answer is yes; fearful-avoidants have the capacity to love, just like anyone else. However, their attachment style may influence the way they express and experience love in their relationships.
However, if a fearful-avoidant individual who is engaged in solid self-work connects with an anxiously attached person who is also mindful of personal wounds and needs, the relationship can develop slowly but surely in a safe, lovingly attached way that benefits both partners.
They are ready for intimacy.
Avoidants fear intimacy. Exposing their bodies and souls to criticism and rejection is a constant fear. So if your love-avoidant partner has indicated that they want a more intimate relationship, understand this is the ultimate sign that they love you.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
Not all avoidants are going to cheat, experts say.
These partners can seek closeness from others if they are otherwise lacking that feeling in a relationship with a distant or emotionally unavailable avoidant partner. "The anxious person begins to catastrophize and assumes the relationship will end," she says.
A fearful avoidant during no contact acts slightly differently from other attachment styles. Going no contact with them can become extremely distracting and often requires a lot of discipline. The fearful-avoidant does not express remorse or sadness over heartbreak in the initial weeks of the breakup.
Well, of course they do. It is just the fear in them that makes them leave the person. But, if they find a understanding , forgiving and non judgmental person, they are more likely to stay.
Withdrawal, feelings of depression, and cycles of negative self-talk may ensue. It's hard for those with fearful avoidant to separate and not allow a breakup to be a reflection of self-worth.
Fearful-avoidant attachment is often considered the worst in terms of potential negative outcomes. For example, multiple studies have shown that there is an association between fearful-avoidant attachment and depression.
Some researchers believe that there may be a link between fearful avoidant attachment and trauma. Traumatic experiences can cause people to become distrustful of others and to believe that they are not worth trusting. This can lead to a fearful avoidant attachment style.
The avoidant attachment style (a.k.a. fear of commitment) usually arises from past emotional experiences. No one is born an avoidant; people learn to behave towards other people in such a way. Fear of commitment arises from the relationships with the main caregivers (such as parents).
Fearful Avoidant
They fear being isolated from others, but also push people away and are inherently suspicious. They may start fights or create conflict, but fear rejection. They have few close friends. They may experience “emotional storms” or be unpredictable in their moods.
Fearful avoidants both want and fear intimacy. So they seek closeness. But once they do, their fear of intimacy and attachment kicks in and they suddenly feel the need to escape, and this is when they need you to chase them.
In closing, I just want to say going no contact works with pretty much every attachment style, but it's different for the fearful avoidant. You have to give it that time of three to four weeks in order for them to start to feel those emotions for you again and actually get back into their activated state.
Subconsciously, they will go on to seek partners with opposite attachment styles. Therefore, dismissive and fearful avoidants tend to settle down with anxious attachment types.
Things You Should Know
If your avoidant partner opens up to you, reciprocates or initiates PDA, or tries to bond with you, they may be in love with you. An avoidant in love will commit to the relationship. They'll claim you as their partner and they'll introduce you to friends and family.
The hallmark of having been raised by left hemisphere parents is avoidant attachment, which often manifests as a deep, lifelong loneliness, a tendency to push others away and a struggle to find life's meaning.
The avoidant personality -male or female - is an expert at being peaceful and looking very calm and together. If their partner is not sensitive to the lack of personal sharing in the relationship, then it is quite possible for an avoidant person to end up married and with children.