Many autistic people have intense and highly-focused interests, often from a fairly young age. These can change over time or be lifelong. It can be art, music, gardening, animals, postcodes or numbers. For many younger children it's Thomas the Tank Engine, dinosaurs or particular cartoon characters.
Although this can sometimes feel challenging, it is important to recognize three very simple factors that every person with ASD needs: safety, acceptance and a sense of competence.
Many autistics have a special interest or obsession that revolves around objects or factual topics. Some may be surprised to learn that a subgroup of autistics become fixated on people or a particular person. People-watching then becomes their "obsession" or "special interest."
It is helpful to your partner if your communication is clear, calm and predictable. The person with ASD will usually want to meet their partner's needs once s/he understands how to meet those needs. Explicitly communicating your social, emotional, mental, physical, including sexual needs, is important.
Some autistic people might like more 'obvious' forms of flirting like grand gestures, crafting things for someone or writing letters.
While this is not typically what you think of with tender, romantic love, it may cause a person with ASD discomfort if someone were to kiss them or hold their hand gently. For example, one teenager with autism who didn't like kissing at all, described that he felt it was just like smashing faces together.
Create A Structured Environment
Children with autism feel much more comfortable and connected when they have a set routine with clear structures, and minimal alterations from their predicted schedule.
For some, it will be talking about their special interests to someone who will actually listen, or just listening quietly to music through headphones. And remember, what makes one person happy may be unique to them. Sometimes a quiet contented mind can be the happiest feeling of all.
An autistic person will feel emotions and will want to communicate emotions to those around them. However, it is not uncommon to encounter difficulties in expressing oneself. Indeed, people with autism spectrum disorder will encounter certain obstacles in recognizing various facial expressions.
Many people with autism crave intimacy and love. But, they don't know how to achieve it in a romantic relationship. They can feel blind to everyday subtle social cues from their partner. This can cause conflict and hurt feelings.
Unique shows of affection
People with autism may show their love by: sharing their special interest. allowing someone into their space. using alternative forms of communication. giving presents.
Common Autism Obsessions
Fixation on a particular topic or subject: Many people with autism have a deep interest in a particular topic, such as trains, dinosaurs, or computers. They may spend hours reading about or talking about this topic, to the exclusion of other activities.
Many autistic people experience hypersensitivity to bright lights or certain light wavelengths (e.g., LED or fluorescent lights). Certain sounds, smells, textures and tastes can also be overwhelming. This can result in sensory avoidance – trying to get away from stimuli that most people can easily tune out.
Essentially, autistic stimming helps one cope with feeling anxious, bored, or excited. Stimming is a common activity even in non-autistic individuals. Hair twirling, nail-biting, toe-tapping, and knuckle-cracking are all common stimming examples.
However, people with autism produce smiles and frowns of similar intensity and size to those of controls, and they also make grimaces and other expressions equally quickly in response to stimuli such as strong odors. The work appeared in the December issue of Autism Research.
While love is expressed and experienced differently from person to person, those with autism are fully capable of forming deep emotional connections. These can include love for their family, friends, romantic partners, or even interests and hobbies.
They may avoid interactions or eye contact or even resist parental attention, hugs, or cuddling. There has been more research into the reasoning behind this, but many times it results in people with autism being defensive against touch.
These studies suggest that many individuals with ASD seek sexual and romantic relationships similar to the non-ASD population12,13 and have the entire spectrum of sexual experiences and behaviors.
People with autism may get easily attached to people, leading them to become over-friendly. It can be difficult to understand other people's perceptions of situations, therefore what they feel is appropriate, may be considered as socially unacceptable.
People with autism often experience love differently from neurotypical people. Their expression of love is less straightforward, as they tend to rely heavily on non-verbal communication.