What do you do when your daughter is being mean to you?
Without demeaning her, find ways for her to see the perspective of the person she is mean to. Calmly ask her how she would feel if someone said or did to her what she says or does to others. Her response may be calloused, but don't let that frustrate you. Over time, this exercise will build her empathy muscle.
Teens pull away from their parents due to a biological instinct to separate themselves in preparation for adulthood. If a teen pushes their parent away, it is often because they feel secure in the relationship and therefore take it for granted temporarily.
Parenting Teens- 3 Keys for Dealing with Your Teenager’s Disrespectful Behavior
32 related questions found
Why does my daughter say hurtful things?
When your child says hurtful things to you, it's usually an expression of frustration or loss of control. Parents often forget that kids are communicating with brains that are not fully formed. The mean words are their way of expressing feelings rather than describing their actual feelings about you.
A toxic mother constantly makes negative comments or jokes about you in front of family or friends. She lacks empathy for your feelings. A toxic mother minimizes your problems and ignores or belittles your feelings, accusing you of being too sensitive. Your opinions hold no weight with her.
Trauma, family dysfunction and certain parenting styles (such as harsh and inconsistent punishment) also make it more likely that a child will exhibit anger and/or aggression that interferes with his or her daily life.
Your feelings matter too so it's ok to simply explain to your child that it hurt your feelings. You can also voice THEIR feelings. Validating feelings is actually one of my 6 Pillars of Gentle Parenting because it's just that important.
Psychologists call it individuation and, although painful for parents, it is normal and healthy for your child. As uncomfortable as it might be as a parent, your child's distance from you is actually right on track: the teen years mark their transition into the adult world.
We're depleted Over time, mothers become physically, emotionally and mentally drained of nutrients, strength and vitality. Psychologist Rick Hanson coined the phrase “depleted mother syndrome” and emphasizes how important it is to regain the strength we need to be there for ourselves and to manage our care-giving role.
Is it too late to fix my relationship with my daughter?
The good news is, it is never too late to heal things with your child. The older your child is, the harder it will be, because kids develop emotional armor and they lash out to keep you from getting too close.
The mother-daughter duo recognizes and respects boundaries. They make reasonable commitments to each other and come through on them. They accept each other the way they are rather than forcing them to conform to a particular set of ideals.
Blaming you for everything is how she is trying to assert herself. Self-respect can make or break you. If your daughter is low on self-respect, she may resent you for what she feels about herself.
“As the daughter becomes less dependent on the mother and starts to make some of her own decisions - that can cause rifts in the relationship. This is most evident when the daughter's thoughts and beliefs start to differ from those of her mother. This 'coming into self' can often feel like rejection.
As strange as it sounds, negativity and complaining are ways your child manages their anxiety. When your child complains, they feel better because they're expressing themselves and venting their worries and fears. If you don't react to it from your own anxiety, your child will eventually move on.
