They twist the whole thing to make it seem like your fault, say something like: “I'm sorry, but you did X. That made me do Y.” Again, they may be telling the truth.
To keep their victims nearby, then, they'll make apologies left and right without taking any real actions to improve themselves or make amends. These are not real apologies—they are manipulation tactics. Any counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist in the world will attest that an apology without change is manipulation.
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry. But you know I would never deliberately hurt you.
Jamie Schenk DeWitt, a psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles told Newsweek: "A gaslighting apology is a conditional apology that makes the person apologizing appear as if they are sincerely saying 'I am sorry,' but they aren't taking any responsibility for hurting you.
Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. This is a passive-aggressive apology done to silence the other person and move onto a different topic. It minimizes what the other person has experienced. Im sorry but But is a qualifier. If a person cannot say sorry without adding a but, then they are not sorry.
It is a form of words designed to make you look like the bad guy by suggesting that you have been ungracious and unbending, as well as having unrealistic expectations.
Blanket Apology focuses on strategies of communication that are used when public figures give public apologies. Like Speech Bubble (2008), Blanket Apology is a dialogue between a man and a woman.
"You're a bad person." "Nobody else will ever love you." "I'm the best you'll ever have." "Have fun being alone for the rest of your life."
Manipulators are experts in exaggeration and generalization. They may say things like, “No one has ever loved me.” They use vague accusations to make it harder to see the holes in their arguments. This tactic used by manipulators is meant to poke at your weaknesses and make you feel insecure.
Toxic people will never apologise for their words and actions because they can't see anything wrong with them. They feel that they are the victim and will often twist and retell what happened to such an extent that they honestly can't see an alternative perspective.
A person making this type of statements is trying to control an outcome. Says there is a tone in the text. There is usually not enough of a message to infer a tone. This comment is designed to put someone on the defensive.
“I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry.” The empty apology is all form but no substance. It's what you say to someone when you know you need to apologize, but are so annoyed or frustrated that you can't muster even a modicum of real feeling to put behind it.
He remembered the three R's – regret, react, reassure.
So how do we build a worthy apology? Experts like Aaron Lazare and Nick Smith, in their book On Apology, point to four essential parts of the apology, and we can remember them as the 4 R's: Recognition, Responsibility, Remorse, and Reparation.
But apologies are too often used as a quick fix for our uneasiness. When we focus more on our own discomfort than on the distress of the other person, our apology is selfish, and selfish apologies are usually ineffective.
Insincere Apologies Further Insult Someone
Something like this: “I'm sorry I said those nasty things behind your back. But the truth is, you are lazy and thoughtless.”
If he/she rejects the insincere apology, then he/she may feel internally that he/ she is not resolving the conflict and may externally be judged more negatively.
2. The defensive apology. This one takes a bit of finesse and sleight-of-hand to pull off and it may actually work in the moment; it usually includes more than a little blame-shifting too. Yes, the words “I'm sorry” are included in this one; it's the construction of the apology you have to pay attention to.
Sarcasm is the most obvious form of passive aggression, and possibly the most hurtful. Your audience may have no idea that you're upset, much less why you're upset. You're just dumping your feelings on them with little context.
Indirect apology strategies refer to those expressions that indirectly indicate the function of apologizing. In other words, indirect apology strategies do not contain the linguistic devices that explicitly indicate the force of apologizing (e.g., Sorry in American English and 对不起 in Chinese).