A mother with narcissistic tendencies is typically overly concerned with her daughter's appearance and achievements and how they reflect back on her, says Lis. As a result, the daughter doesn't learn to be her authentic self.
The psychological effects of a narcissistic mother on her daughter can be long-lasting. The daughter may struggle with trust issues, abandonment issues, and self-esteem issues. She may also find it difficult to form healthy relationships due to the emotional manipulation she experienced from her mother.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
According to Dr. Malkin, there are three basic types of narcissistic parents — classic (extroverted), covert (introverted) and communal. It's important to understand these different types so you can better understand (and heal) from your experience growing up.
A narcissistic mother may feel entitled or self-important, seek admiration from others, believe she is above others, lack empathy, exploit her children, put others down, experience hypersensitivity to criticism, believe she deserves special treatment, and worst of all, maybe naïve to the damage she is causing.
“You are overreacting.” “No one will ever love you with that attitude.” “You have an awful personality and can never do anything right.” “Everyone agrees that you're probably the worst person to go out with.”
Golden children are usually raised by narcissistic parents who are controlling and authoritarian. They coerce their child into being “perfect” by creating a toxic environment where the children do not feel safe voicing their own opinions or going against any rules.
The golden child becomes an extension of that parent, and the child's role is to please that parent. Narcissistic parents are unable to appreciate the golden child's unique identity, and attempt to control their child's interests and activities in ways that would reflect positively on them.
Growing up with a narcissistic parent can be difficult. The children of a narcissist are often children who grow up to be codependent, people-pleasers, and have low self-esteem. They may never feel good enough for their parents or themselves.
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry. But you know I would never deliberately hurt you.
A narcissistic mother is unable to provide unconditional love and care for her daughter. Her selfish and self-centred nature means that she can only 'love' her daughter if she is successful, attractive or behaves in a way that meets all of the mother's expectations.
It's a phenomenon called the narcissistic abuse cycle. This cycle is broken down into three important phases: idealization, devaluation, and rejection. By understanding these key points, people who are struggling with narcissism or those who are in a relationship with a narcissist can get the help they need.
Since the scapegoat child is only tolerated when they bear the faults of the parent with NPD, they can grow up with a distorted view of relationships and love as only conditional or transactional. Gravitating toward partners with narcissistic behaviors.
Narcissistic mothers tend to see their daughters both as threats and as annexed to their own egos. Through direction and criticism, they try to shape their daughter into a version of themselves or their idealized self.
In an NPD family, The Lost Child just doesn't seem to matter to the narcissist, and avoids conflict by keeping a low profile. They are not perceived as a threat or a good source of supply, but they are usually victim of neglect and emotional abuse.
A narcissist's "lost child" may be physically and emotionally neglected. The "lost child" may carry their trauma into adulthood and may attract partners who are neglectful and emotionally abusive.
A child who is scapegoated by a malignantly narcissistic parent actually has no 'parent' in the true sense of the word. He faces an adversary where biology tells him to expect an ally. More insidiously, a child is prone to believe their parent's cruelty is their fault.
The distorted perception of reality a narcissistic parent imposes on a child can have damaging consequences as an adult at work and home. The lack of self-esteem, obsessive thinking, minimization of abuse, excessive anxiety, and fear-based reactions are common among adult children of narcissists.
She treats her children as extensions of her.
The narcissistic mother micromanages and exerts an excessive level of control over the way her children act and look to the public. Her children are objects and must be pristine and polished in every way, lest their reputation or appearance taint her own.
The Secretly Mean: The secretly mean mother does not want others to know that she is abusive to her children. She will have a public self and a private self, which are quite different. These mothers can be kind and loving in public but are abusive and cruel at home.
The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, or disempowerment (sometimes these four typesoverlap, sometimes not) that is a favorite tactic of narcissists, and especially thosewho have a hard time with impulse control, that is, those with more infantile tendencies.
Recent studies confirm that narcissistic parents are incapable of truly loving others, even their own children.