Feelings of helplessness, inadequacy, being “not enough.” “Checking out” of relationships or friendships, feeling unattached or emotionally unavailable to connect. Holding on to a relationship, even if it is unhealthy or abusive, so as to avoid any feelings of abandonment or loneliness.
“Symptoms of abandonment trauma can include extreme insecurity or anxiety within a relationship, obsessive or intrusive thoughts of being abandoned, and also debilitating self-esteem or self regard.” When children feel abandoned, it can leave them feeling frightened and unsafe.
Feeling abandoned by someone you care about may lead you to feel overwhelmed, confused, and devastated. In some cases, someone may temporarily not be available to you because they're dealing with their own emotions. In other instances, emotional abandonment may be caused by more complex processes.
Experiences that can lead to abandonment trauma include physical absence and not feeling physically nurtured or safe. For example: being left in a physically dangerous position by a friend or caretaker. having your physical needs for food and water unmet.
Abandonment issues are a form of anxiety that occurs when an individual has a strong fear of losing loved ones. People with abandonment issues can have difficulties in relationships. They may exhibit symptoms such as codependency, clinginess, or manipulative behavior.
Abandonment wounds typically result in fear and anxiety marked by hypervigilance regarding signs that you are about to be abandoned again (Smith, 2018). We respond to our fear and anxiety by trying to predict when we are going to be left so that we can avoid it or at least prepare ourselves for the impact.
An anxious attachment style may manifest in fear of abandonment and a need for validation and constant reassurance from your loved one. It's typically caused by an unpredictable primary caregiver when you were a child.
Signs of PTSD of Abandonment
Fear of being left behind or abandoned. Inability to form healthy relationships in the teenage or adult years. Low self-esteem and feelings of self-worth. Anxiety and insecurity.
Abandonment trauma stems from experiences that make us feel unsafe, insecure, and alone in childhood. It can become overwhelming and lead to anxiety and distrust of others. Therapy and self-care can help people feel prepared to face their abandonment trauma and start addressing how it is affecting their life.
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by a pervasive pattern of instability in relationships, self-image, moods, and behavior and hypersensitivity to possible rejection and abandonment. People with borderline personality disorder fear rejection and abandonment, partly because they do not want to be alone.
Abandonment wounds leave us feeling like we need to hold-on, fearing disconnection, worrying about future disappointments and worrying about potential threats and losses, leaving us feeling perpetually insecure and doubtful in ourselves, in relationships and in the world.
In the context of a marriage, the feelings of neglect, being left out, and not being heard are collectively referred to as emotional abandonment. It occurs when one partner is so preoccupied with their own concerns that they are unable to notice the struggles, concerns, or problems their partner is experiencing.
If your feelings are hurt, you feel betrayed, abandoned, or rejected, and your partner doesnt care or minimizes them, thats a red flag. You should also be wary if you notice a pattern of lying or half-truths about other issues.
Attachment styles are developed during infancy and early childhood, and an insecure attachment style can lead to a fear of abandonment in adulthood. Abandonment issues may be caused by childhood abuse, neglect, or environmental stressors, such as growing up in poverty or living in a dangerous area.
Wife Abandonment Syndrome is a pattern of behavior on the part of a husband who leaves his wife out-of-the-blue from what she believed was a happy marriage. Following his sudden departure, he replaces the caring he'd typically shown her with anger and aggression.
Symptoms of Abandonment Issues in Adults or Adulthood
Extreme jealousy or clingy behavior in a romantic relationship. Pretend they don't care about a spouse when they do. Rejection of a partner before they can be rejected. Avoid getting close to others.
The need to feel loved and the fear of the being abandoned can lead to these toxic relationships lasting far longer than they should. It can be difficult to trust people when you've been let down in the past, even when that let down was accidental or non-intentional, the feelings that result are the same.
Simply put, PTSD is caused by a trauma, like being the victim of a crime, or by a series of traumatic events, such as living through war. BPD, on the other hand, stems from feelings of abandonment that often starts in childhood and progresses over time.
Diagnosing Abandonment Issues
While it's not clinically possible to be formally diagnosed with abandonment issues, a mental health provider can determine if abandonment fears contribute to an individual's mental health struggles.
Mood swings and anger issues later in life can often be traced to abandonment in infancy due to the lack of emotional and other support from parents. Some of the mental health conditions thought to be heavily influenced by abandonment include: Anxiety. Depression.
Partners with abandonment issues may act withdrawn or jealous. This could make you feel as though you're doing something to hurt them. They may even try to blame you outright. But people with abandonment issues aren't reacting to anything that you did.
Abandonment issues can be hard to overcome, even with a supportive partner. Don't take your partner's fears personally, and try to refrain from telling them they're being irrational. Instead, gently encourage them to open up about their fears so that you can both work to build a healthier relationship.
The natural folds in abandonment's grief process fall into five universal stages: Shattering, Withdrawal, Internalizing, Rage, and Lifting. These stages overlap one another as part of one inexorable process of grief and recovery.