Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
This may lead to a child feeling empty, insecure in loving relationships, developing imagined fears, mistrusting others, experiencing identity conflict, and suffering an inability to develop a distinct existence from that of the parent.
Children who grow up with narcissistic parents often become very manipulative as adults because they learn narcissistic traits from their parents. They may find themselves lying to get what they want or making empty promises for someone else to do something for them, which is a sign of low self-esteem.
Children of narcissists can be at a higher risk for becoming a narcissist themselves. However, studies have found that sons raised by narcissistic mothers are at a higher risk than daughters. The relationship between these types of mothers and their sons typically starts with the mother building the ego of their son.
Narcissistic parents maintain their power by triangulating, or playing favorites. They may have a golden child who they compliment excessively, for example, while speaking badly about another child in the family. This can make children feel uncomfortable, disloyal and psychologically unsafe.
Typically, the narcissistic parent perceives the independence of a child (including adult children) as a threat, and coerces the offspring to exist in the parent's shadow, with unreasonable expectations. In a narcissistic parenting relationship, the child is rarely loved just for being herself or himself.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
A narcissistic mother may feel entitled or self-important, seek admiration from others, believe she is above others, lack empathy, exploit her children, put others down, experience hypersensitivity to criticism, believe she deserves special treatment, and worst of all, maybe naïve to the damage she is causing.
Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Some children may show traits of narcissism, but this is often typical for their age and doesn't mean they'll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.
Daughters of Narcissistic Fathers
This can lead to eating disorders, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and a feeling that she will never be “enough.” The constant criticism from a narcissistic father can leave her in a state of constant anxiety as she works to avoid letting him down.
Finally, it is important to understand and come to accept that your narcissistic parent won't change. As much as you might want to confront them, or as much as you do confront them, it is very unlikely that the parent will change their ways.
Trauma therapy can help you confront, accept, and process the past without retraumatizing you. In a safe space, your therapist can help you heal the damage your narcissistic mother or narcissistic father did. You can form a healthy therapeutic attachment.
PTSD from Childhood Trauma
If you have grown up with a narcissistic parent, there are many instances in which they may have traumatized you throughout your childhood. This can lead to PTSD or cPTSD in adulthood. PTSD can result from overt abuse and neglect, emotional neglect, and gaslighting.
The cruelty and abuse of the narcissistic parent are nothing short of traumatic. Being exposed to endless self centered behavior can trap you in exhaustion, and the manipulation and lack of insight, which is a common narcissistic feature, can wear you to the bone.
Here are some narcissism red flags to look out for: Lacking empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to have empathy for others, and they appear to have no desire for emotional intimacy. Unrealistic sense of entitlement.
According to Thomaes & Brummelman, the development of narcissism begins at around the ages of 7 or 8. This is the time when children begin to evaluate themselves according to how they perceive others. Although narcissism comes partly down to genes, it is also impacted by the environment.
Social learning theory holds that children are likely to grow up to be narcissistic when their parents overvalue them: when their parents see them as more special and more entitled than other children (9).
Narcissistic parenting creates huge problems for the growing child. Daughters of narcissistic mothers often become enmeshed with their parent, losing contact with their true self and growing up without boundaries and without the ability to recognise or nurture healthy relationships.
“You knew I didn't like it, but you still did it to hurt me.” “You only think about yourself.” “You always look for attention.” “You don't deserve everything that I have done for you.”
Emotionally invalidates, guilt-trips and gaslights her children. A childs reactions to her narcissistic mothers abuse are frequently met with invalidation, shaming and further gaslighting. The narcissistic mother lacks empathy for the feelings of her children and fails to consider their basic needs.
In general, those raised in this environment are more likely to experience anxiety or depression. They may have low self-esteem, lack the confidence to face issues that arise in their career or relationships, and constantly feel inferior.
“Narcissistic parents beget kids with a whole host of psychological problems,” Durvasula says. These problems include higher than average rates of depression and anxiety, lack of self-regulation, eating disorders, low self-esteem, an impaired sense of self, substance abuse and perfectionism.
Self-Importance
The word that comes to mind is “grandiose.” The narcissistic parent will exaggerate and lie about themselves. They'll demand your attention while neglecting your needs. Worse, they often view their child's increasing independence and autonomy as a threat to their own interests.