“Continually condemning and complaining about an ex is a sign he may not be taking personal responsibility for his role, and has the same unhealed wounds and unfinished business that he's bringing into your relationship,” says Meyers. It's best to nip that talk in the bud ASAP.
If you've decided to give someone a second chance (we've all had first date jitters that caused us to put our foot in our mouth), but they keep bringing up the subject of their ex, Spira says this is a pretty clear indication they're stuck in the past. She suggests being straightforward and asking your date about it.
While opening up about being hurt in a previous relationship isn't necessarily a red flag — if anything, it could be a sign that your partner is emotionally intelligent and stable enough to talk about it openly — it's important to keep in mind that past traumas can still affect the present.
If your man is constantly bringing up a past love, he likely still has unresolved feelings for his ex or he hasn't healed properly from that relationship. Men also talk about past loves to boost their confidence or when they feel nostalgic.
If your date is talking about his/her ex or if the relationship has recently ended, this is a red flag. In order to be fully present with a new partner, there needs to be completion (some call this closure), a grieving period and a time for re-establishing the "single self" before moving into a new relationship.
Red Flags When You're In a Relationship With a Narcissist
Downplays your emotions. Uses manipulative tactics to “win” arguments. Love bombing, especially after a fight. Makes you second-guess yourself constantly.
If someone isn't over their ex, then they might still be pretty upset about the way things ended. "They still complain about their ex and what they did or didn't do, and that carries charge: bitterness, resentment, anger or sadness," Fehr explains.
Bringing Up The Past In Arguments Does More Harm Than Good
Many people feel that referencing the past, and their hurt will give them a better result in the present disagreement. But, bringing up the past can quickly cause an escalating argument. Trying to recall the past accurately is prone to errors.
It is normal to go through the withdrawal symptoms of the past relationship, but it is not normal to bring up your past life to your present and ruin a possible future potential. Talking about your ex in the early stage of your new relationship can often lead to drama and fuel insecurities withing your new partner.
"When people talk badly about their exes to an unhealthy point, it means that they haven't worked through a lot of that relationship," says Lena Aburdene Derhally, MS, LPC, an Imago relationship therapist based in D.C. That doesn't necessarily mean that they're not "over" their ex, but it does mean that they have a lot ...
“It might feel awkward at first, but it's also perfectly healthy to talk about past relationships if it's done in a conscious way. It can help you understand each other better when you share these things; it can alleviate any fears you might have.
If he talks about all the positives of his past relationship instead of the negatives, then there are chances that he still loves his ex. If he seems to not hold any resentment and bitterness about his past relationship, then it's a sign that he is not pretty much ready to have a new relationship with you.
A sure sign that a relationship is moving too quickly is if you have trouble making decisions without your partner early on. It's not uncommon for people to lose themselves in their relationship, and over time couples find themselves dressing, speaking and even acting in a similar manner.
"Anything above five is too many for both men and women. Even one relationship takes so much out of you, so if you're able to do more than five, either you have a lot of patience or you've been in them half-heartedly." "Any figure that goes into double-digit territory is scary.
It may damage your current relationship
If you keep mentioning your previous relationships it may cause more damage to your current one than you think. Your partner may feel insecure and jealous. They may see themselves as an option or may misunderstand you for not being happy with them.
Looking your ex up on social media is not something that will help you heal. It could potentially contribute to poor mental health. With so many reasons not to do it, it may be time to say goodbye to your ex once and for all.
One of the most common manipulation tactics that narcissists use to avoid taking responsibility for their actions is bringing up the past. There are two variations to this. The first is called bringing up past contributions. The second is called bringing up mistakes that you've made in the past.
The narcissist might bring up a mistake you made in the past in order to make you feel foolish because they are feeling foolish and need for someone else to appear more foolish.
She may bring up the incident as a way to communicate her feelings and tell you that the situation is still unresolved. It's important to understand how she feels and try to work through the issue together. Talk openly with her and let her know that you want to move forward and put the past behind you.
It's okay for a boyfriend to talk to his ex as long as he is doing it once in a while and you are not getting jealous and insecure about it. If he is talking to her behind your back and texting his ex-girlfriend frequently, then it is a reason for worry and you need to address it.
A recent study found that while break-ups take a more immediate emotional toll on women, men often "never fully recover — they simply move on." I consulted a few mental health and relationship experts to learn more.