A People Pleaser's Freedom Paul tells us in Romans 12:1 that we are to “present [our] bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God” (NKJV). But if we are going to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice (and people-pleasers do this), then it must be to God alone.
Paul says, “I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage . . .” As he laid down his life for others, doing all he could to please them, he wasn't subtly angling for some selfish gain.
The scriptures warn against such tendencies: “Bond-servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eye-service, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.” (Colossians 3:22).
The moment you find yourself struggling with people pleasing, pray and ask God to help you. If you struggle with people pleasing, there is freedom for you in Christ. Don't be ashamed and don't feel condemned. Jesus invites you to come, lay your burdens down, and receive help from him.
Pleasing Your Spouse: Stewards of Each Other's Bodies. "But a married man is concerned with... how he can please his wife... A married woman is concerned about... how she can please her husband" (1 Cor 7:33-34). "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband...
The Fear of Failure
When people-pleasing replaces God-pleasing, fear of failure is at the root.
Proverbs 5:18b says “…and rejoice with the wife of your youth.” Verse 19b says, “… Let her breast satisfy you at all times.” This scripture does not say that it is the breasts of only a young girl that gives a man satisfaction.
Causes of people-pleasing
Low self-esteem: People who feel they are worth less than others may feel their needs are unimportant. They may advocate for themselves less or have less awareness of what they want. They may also feel that they have no purpose if they cannot help others.
Fawning or people-pleasing can often be traced back to an event or series of events that caused a person to experience PTSD, more specifically Complex PTSD, or C-PTSD.
People pleasers often deal with low self-esteem and draw their self-worth from the approval of others. “I am only worthy of love if I give everything to someone else” is one common belief associated with people-pleasing, Myers says.
People-pleasing is a way of controlling our environments and other people. While it's often born of trauma and hypervigilance, continuing the pattern of people-pleasing can create barriers to intimacy in our relationships. It also keeps us from being authentic.
People-pleasers engage in selfless behavior at the expense of their own needs, in an effort to be liked and to connect. People-pleasing can have the unexpected downside of making others feel uncomfortable and guilty, as well as subconsciously withdraw.
People pleasing is also a form of deception, both with yourself as well as with others. Though not conscious or intentional, attempting to try to get people to like you, approve of you or stop wanting something from you often requires pretending or lying. People pleasing is all about dishonesty.
Galatians 1:10 says, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Pastor Joel reminds us that in life we need to try to become a God pleaser and not a people pleaser.
Just start putting up boundaries that will allow you to first take care of your needs before turning focus to others. This isn't a selfish view point. Actually, being a people-pleaser is selfish because you're doing what's easiest and cheating people from receiving your valuable, true thoughts and reactions.
At its core, people pleasing is rooted in fear. We worry about how our choices might impact or inconvenience others. Instead of asking the people in our lives for what we need and desire, we say no for them.
People pleasing isn't a mental illness, but it can be an issue that adversely affects how many people, with or without mental illness, relate to others. Most of all, people pleasers try to nourish other people without adequately nourishing themselves.
The people pleaser personality type is desperate to feel important and needed. Their lack of self worth, confidence and self-belief, makes it almost impossible for them to set and maintain healthy boundaries with others.
People Pleasers spend so much time and effort in taking care of others. Unfortunately, they often do not establish good social support for themselves. They also find it hard to give up control and let other people take care of them. While taking care of others in noble and rewarding, it can also be toxic and unhealthy.
The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.
The Bible tells us a lot about lust and sexual immorality, and that we are to flee from sexual immorality and lustful desires. If kissing before marriage stimulates lust or leads to sexual immorality, it is a sin and should be avoided between couples that are not married.
In many cultures, the female breast is a potent symbol of beauty, motherhood, and vitality.
A fourth, less discussed, response to trauma is called fawning, or people-pleasing. The fawn response is a coping mechanism in which individuals develop people-pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict, pacify their abusers, and create a sense of safety.
People-pleasing usually comes from a place of insecurity and those who behave this way often feel that if they do, others will value them and accept them.